Hookup to lose virginity

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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby Eryx » 6 June 2021, 06:17

Brenden wrote:
Eryx wrote:or maybe he could to the the back of an alley.
Oh, yeah, wow, that's totally a healthy lifestyle!

Really, such a good mindset about sex. Really sets people up for a happy, healthy life.

Nope, doesn't lead to lonely, diseased, vain, meaningless lives. Not at all.
You have become a conservative gay. So into your bubble you actually believe that kind of stuff won't be a big part of many people's lives. And it's not our place to shame that kind of discovery or lifestyle and judge it to oblivion, rather our responsibility is to offer good alternatives, preferably in a way that isn't condescending.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby McTaggartfan » 6 June 2021, 07:11

Eryx wrote:
Brenden wrote:
Eryx wrote:or maybe he could to the the back of an alley.


And it's not our place to shame that kind of discovery or lifestyle and judge it to oblivion, rather our responsibility is to offer good alternatives, preferably in a way that isn't condescending.


I, for one, certainly agree with you as to the above.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby PopTart » 6 June 2021, 08:26

Eryx wrote:it's not our place to shame that kind of discovery or lifestyle and judge it to oblivion, rather our responsibility is to offer good alternatives, preferably in a way that isn't condescending.

Well said.

There are risks to every choice people make. There are pro's and con's for every life style.

So long as people go into situations with their eyes open and ready to take responsibility for their own choices, I think we should be respectful of those choices and the people making them, even if we ourselves don't agree with them.

To the OP. There is no right way to lose your virginity. What Eryx has said is pretty much true. It can, on rare occasions be something special. But it is more likely, that any first time will be an awkward, fumbling mess. Either way, it won't likely remain in your memory forever.

If you feel that you really must lose your virginity, prior to getting into something serious, with emotional attachments and all the expectations you need to juggle that come with that, then by all means do so.

There is nothing wrong with casual sex.

Some people are ideologically opposed to it, as it promotes and propagates a stereotype, that they might be tarnished with, in error and instead of getting angry at the nature of stereotype or the people who believe those stereotypes, they level their cross hairs at the people who fit the stereotype, instead.

If you want to wait and lose your virginity with someone you love and you find causal sex degrading. That's a legitimate view point too.

Find what works for you and live it. Don't spend your life looking to other people's expectations of what you should beband how you should behave.

Goodluck.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby McTaggartfan » 6 June 2021, 09:58

PopTart wrote:
Eryx wrote:First times suck anyway.

Honest to god, don't remember mine.


I just realized, in reading this, that neither do I! I don't think I really am terribly bothered by the revelation. It wasn't with anyone I had any serious feelings for, nor someone I knew well.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby PopTart » 6 June 2021, 10:11

McTaggartfan wrote:
PopTart wrote:
Eryx wrote:First times suck anyway.

Honest to god, don't remember mine.


I just realized, in reading this, that neither do I! I don't think I really am terribly bothered by the revelation. It wasn't with anyone I had any serious feelings for, nor someone I knew well.

Indeed and I don't know about you, but I don't feel bad about that. The great experiences I do remember and those are the ones worth holding onto.

Some people might have alot of bad or unsatisfying sex, before they have their first "remember it forever" experience. There are no hard and fast rules or atleast, there shouldn't be.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby McTaggartfan » 6 June 2021, 10:25

PopTart wrote:
McTaggartfan wrote:
PopTart wrote:
Eryx wrote:First times suck anyway.

Honest to god, don't remember mine.


I just realized, in reading this, that neither do I! I don't think I really am terribly bothered by the revelation. It wasn't with anyone I had any serious feelings for, nor someone I knew well.

Indeed and I don't know about you, but I don't feel bad about that. The great experiences I do remember and those are the ones worth holding onto.

Some people might have a lot of bad or unsatisfying sex, before they have their first "remember it forever" experience. There are no hard and fast rules or at least, there shouldn't be.


In considering the matter I think I've to say that, no, I don't feel badly about how my first time occurred, nor about the person with whom it happened.

Yet at the same time, I must concede (to Brenden, I guess) that I do in fact wish I'd first had sex with someone I love and, additionally, I wish that every time I've ever had sex it was with somebody I loved. Of course, this isn't to say I believe I ought to have simply stayed a virgin for all this time and never had sex; but yet I do think, upon reflection, that sex with someone one loves seems to be at least slightly more desirable than the alternative.

Now for the record, let me just say that I wouldn't impose these views of mine on others, nor judge them for acting (or thinking) differently than I; for as you said, "there are no hard and fast rules.'
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby Brenden » 6 June 2021, 12:54

I do not hold the views I have on this matter out of worry about it perpetuating stereotypes that are then applied to me.

I hold the views because I see how harmful — physically, mentally, and emotionally — the culture of casual sex is to so many gay men, both those who actively participate and those who do not.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby Brenden » 6 June 2021, 13:08

Eryx wrote:
Brenden wrote:
Eryx wrote:or maybe he could to the the back of an alley.
Oh, yeah, wow, that's totally a healthy lifestyle!

Really, such a good mindset about sex. Really sets people up for a happy, healthy life.

Nope, doesn't lead to lonely, diseased, vain, meaningless lives. Not at all.

You have become a conservative gay. So into your bubble you actually believe that kind of stuff won't be a big part of many people's lives.

Oh, no, the problem is I know all too well how big a part of many people's lives getting fucked or fucking hundreds — maybe even thousands — of men is.

Heroin is also a big part of many people's lives. Alcohol is, too.

Eryx wrote:And it's not our place to shame that kind of discovery or lifestyle and judge it to oblivion, rather our responsibility is to offer good alternatives, preferably in a way that isn't condescending.

So… you offered "or maybe he could to the the back of an alley."

I guess you consider that a good alternative? Otherwise, why are you offering it?

It certainly does fit with my drug analogy, so thank you for that.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby PopTart » 6 June 2021, 15:26

I want to preface this reply, to state, that my response might seem like I'm angry and upset or that I'm taking exception to anything anyone has said, but I assure you (but particularly anyone with whom I am disagreeing} I am not pissed or angry or insulted etc etc
McTaggartfan wrote:Now for the record, let me just say that I wouldn't impose these views of mine on others, nor judge them for acting (or thinking) differently than I; for as you said, "there are no hard and fast rules.'

And I think that is an important distinction.

It's fine to speak about the draw backs and negatives as you see them, to present them for someone to consider, in the context of this thread, that is precisely what someone has asked for, views, opinions.

But the moral judgements are, I feel, a step too far. It carries something of the puritan ethic in it's ultimate denouement.

Brenden wrote:I do not hold the views I have on this matter out of worry about it perpetuating stereotypes that are then applied to me.

I hold the views because I see how harmful — physically, mentally, and emotionally — the culture of casual sex is to so many gay men, both those who actively participate and those who do not.
What harm? Where is the harm, that is specific and restricted only to the nature of casual sex? Or is this harm simply presumed?

There are plenty of people who have had monogamous relationships and contract an STI, because one partner was unaware they had one, from a previous partner, who perhaps shared a needle. It happens, the risk is there. It is always there. That it is elevated for those who engage in casual sex, goes without saying. STI's don't care if you're in a loving, meaningful relationship. Monogamy is about as surefire a way of preventing STI's as condoms are. Pretty good, but not fool proof.

Does harm come from the pressure people feel to live upto (or downto, in your estimination, I assume) a particular lifestyle (one might say stereotype?) If so, then there is something to this arguement, but I again, would say, the problem is not that some people wish to indulge in casual sex, which is perfectly legitimate and fine, but that others assume that in order to fit into a certain group, they must adopt that behaviour aswell, to qualify. This is the problem, not the culture of casual sex, which, for those that enjoy it, can be fulfulling and worthwhile. The problem is when someone for whom, that isn't the right choice, twists and contorts themselves, to fit a mold, they never would nor never needed too, fit. It is understanding what drives people to want to live their lives in a fashion, that isn't to their liking, that in not adopting they feel less than they otherwise believe they would, if only the fit into that ideal.

The solution isn't to denounce and shame anyone who practices casual sex, but to help people understand who they are and what they really want and to educate people about what it really means to be gay (and that is half the problem, because society, gay and straight, haven't come to any kind of consensus on what it really means to be gay, likely because it is different for everyone) {*1}

People should be at liberty to explore their own sexual desires and to live their own prefered sexual lifestyle, free from judgement by you or anyone else, as to the moral rightness of their choice. So long as everything is consensual. If there is anything we as a community and broader soceity can do to make the environment in which we make these choices more healthy, it is to educate people how to indentify what it is they want and emphasise that they don't have to make any particular choices in order to have a claim to a label they have chosen and that said label does not need to define them.

Brenden wrote:
Eryx wrote:or maybe he could to the the back of an alley.
Oh, yeah, wow, that's totally a healthy lifestyle!

Really, such a good mindset about sex. Really sets people up for a happy, healthy life.

Nope, doesn't lead to lonely, diseased, vain, meaningless lives. Not at all.
Excuse me? :blargh: :lol:
You may have forgotten, but I HAVE had sex in an alley (in a changing room in primarks too :P with a stranger no less, I've been diddled by the washing machine repairman.) I've had sex with guys I've only known for a week or two, in public parks. In the car in a supermarket carpark? Check. I have done all of this and more.
I would not say I was any combination of lonely, diseased, vain (okay i might be a tad vain, but what human being isn't to some degree!) or that my life is in anyway more or less meaningless than your own Brenden.

I am happy with the choices I have made in life, such that they are. I was careful. I took precautions and on those occassions I didn't, the universe dealt me a gentle hand and I got lucky.

But casual sex is not the enemy. The enemy is people feeling like they have to be something other than themselves and the enemy is judging others for making the decision, we wouldn't, didn't or couldn't.

Brenden wrote:
Eryx wrote:You have become a conservative gay. So into your bubble you actually believe that kind of stuff won't be a big part of many people's lives.

Oh, no, the problem is I know all too well how big a part of many people's lives getting fucked or fucking hundreds — maybe even thousands — of men is.

Heroin is also a big part of many people's lives. Alcohol is, too.

:rofl: I bet you squirmed at the thought of being thought of as conservative huh! :lol: I am actually conservative leaning and I can say politically you certainly are more liberal than I. I recall a certain disagreement about socialism and marxism we had :D

While I don't think you are conservative (or the sometimes implied but unspoken judgement, that such means, small or closed minded, bigotted etc I don't think Erys meant that, but it seems to come attached to the label and I feel the distinction deserves to be made, because I don't think your a gay bigot.) I do think that on this you labour under some biases. I could venture guesses as to the nature and source of those biases, but they would only be wild guesses and I am trying to learn not to read peoples minds, instead of the words they have written.

And in this, I think you make some terrible connections.

Casual sex, is nothing like heroin, perhaps alcohol can be a closer analogy. But I still feel that is not quite right. I think the manner in which it is similar, is in that, like alcohol, one can engage too much, such that it becomes problematic. Balance in all things, I say. Fanatical balance :bowdown:

But can this not be said of any lifestyle choice? One can take too much LSD, one can have too much monogamy (in that one can stifle ones partner, smother them) one can be too much in love etc.

All the good things in life, with the wrong choices and wrong practice, can become all the worst things in life and it isn't the things themselves that are bad, it is the manner in which we approach them.
Brenden wrote:
Eryx wrote:And it's not our place to shame that kind of discovery or lifestyle and judge it to oblivion, rather our responsibility is to offer good alternatives, preferably in a way that isn't condescending.

So… you offered "or maybe he could to the the back of an alley."

I guess you consider that a good alternative? Otherwise, why are you offering it?

It certainly does fit with my drug analogy, so thank you for that.
My alley sex experience probably wasn't the best experience I ever had (it wasn't bad) the shame that marched up my cheeks, a red wave, when we went back into the bar to learn the place had CCTV pointed at the alley with the screen for the CCTV being directly above the bar... and the ensuing wolf whistles, geers and a fair few looks of disgust, certainly meant I avoided the place for a long time.
But you know what? I don't look back on that experience with regret. Nor shame. I have pretty much found a measure of peace over my embarrasement at getting caught doing something so sordid, that it's now a tale I sometimes tell to surprise and shock people (which can be delightful fun at times and let them judge if they will. They only wish they had been so daring, could claim such resilience in the face of judgement.)

In contrast, there are times I abused drugs and made a fool of myself. Those experiences haunt me still. They, more than the sex in the alley have left their marks. They will go to the grave with me, deep regrets and woeful shames.

The comparison might seem clever, but I can tell you, as someone who has done both. :nono: The comparison is only seemingly so.

I don't say any of this to try to dissuade you from your opinion. I suspect it would take more than a post from me, with far too much excess verbiage to do so. But maybe, between Eryx words and my own in support, you might atleast consider the matter abit more nuanced and not so cut and dry.

{*1} That last is especially true in modernity, when gay culture is no longer defined or held tightly together, by persecution and discrimination. The gays are no longer required to chummy up to the lesbians. The Lesbians no longer need to hold hands with the trans crowd and those subgroups are splintering ever further than before. Conservative gay is a thing now. You can be an anti-trans gay/lesbian, you can be queer, which I take to understand is a radical form of non-conforming gay activist, seperate from regular old gay or lesbian. sigh... I feel old. :monocle:
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby dragonfire » 6 June 2021, 16:11

While I see both sides of this, as somebody on the side of those who've been negatively impacted by the perceived prevalence and culture of gay hookups I'd like to give my opinion on this. I'm happy to be wrong of course, but the impacts on those who don't feel like they can participate are real.

It makes you feel not good enough, especially if you don't have the time, motivation or resources to work out enough to present well on apps like Grindr. It makes you feel like you're not worthy, like you're ugly and like you're less than a human being.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm heavily affected by my general lack of self confidence and I don't condemn hookup culture personally at all. But I don't want to deny that it has impacts. I think the problem isn't hookup culture itself, but that people like me find it hard to keep up with both hookup culture and the world at large sometimes. Nonetheless, the hookup world can seem cold and intimidating to us as well as most people, but to the extent where it impacts our very sense of self worth.

People who look that good work hard at it, and see the results. There is nothing wrong with people exploring their sexuality however they see fit. But I do think that sometimes the impacts on less than confident people are misunderstood, not by gay people but society in general. That goes with straight hookup culture too, but within the gay community I think this trend is exacerbated because of the central role of sex to modern gay culture.

From a moral point of view, I don't think hookups are a bad thing at all. I don't think being in a solid relationship is inferior or superior in any way to having a hookup. And I get why people who have worked hard on their appearance and want a pleasurable time with others would be picky, someone who looks like a model wouldn't have time to reply to all the thirsty messages they get from average looking folk on an app like Grindr. But I do think kindness towards those who feel less able in this setting is important.

As somebody who feels nervous and ugly just walking around outside, is nervous just going to a supermarket and has no self esteem, the world of hookups is very scary to me. Part of me wants to participate, but part of me feels like I never will. Part of me feels like I won't even find a relationship again, but it's a matter of perception and of self worth. That's on me, and I wouldn't want to stop anyone hooking up and living their lives the way they want to.

I'd love to meet some stranger in the street and head into a back alley. I see those who support that and find that absolutely horrifying as a concept. But people who feel incapable of that are almost forgotten. Having said that, lack of confidence etc is a problem even just within relationships and not just with hookups. I think we should remember that often the negative consequences of those who both participate and don't participate in hookup culture are wider than the hookup culture itself, and include issues like anxiety, depression, etc.

I think this debate is a microcosm of the society we live in today in general, and its competitiveness. The pressure to look good, be successful, be capable. Those who can't feel bad, those who can but feel miserable trying feel bad. And those who feel good may sometimes struggle to understand.

These are all my own ramblings, and I'm not good at making longer, thought-out posts like many others here. But I wanted to contribute as somebody who finds this issue particularly difficult, as somebody who doesn't participate in hookups not because they don't want to, but because they feel like they can't. An often forgotten group of people, I feel.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby PopTart » 6 June 2021, 17:42

dragonfire wrote:While I see both sides of this, as somebody on the side of those who've been negatively impacted by the perceived prevalence and culture of gay hookups I'd like to give my opinion on this. I'm happy to be wrong of course, but the impacts on those who don't feel like they can participate are real.

I don't think anyone would seek to delegitimise how you feel about the subject. I hope! :hug:

dragonfire wrote:It makes you feel not good enough, especially if you don't have the time, motivation or resources to work out enough to present well on apps like Grindr. It makes you feel like you're not worthy, like you're ugly and like you're less than a human being.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm heavily affected by my general lack of self confidence and I don't condemn hookup culture personally at all. But I don't want to deny that it has impacts. I think the problem isn't hookup culture itself, but that people like me find it hard to keep up with both hookup culture and the world at large sometimes. Nonetheless, the hookup world can seem cold and intimidating to us as well as most people, but to the extent where it impacts our very sense of self worth.
This comes back to what I said previously. The problem is not with hook up culture or that those who engage are disgusting, loathsome people.

This is a problem of people not being armed to contend with certain aspects of the living world. Strange though that may sound. I think it is perfectly understandable that people with low self esteem will be intimidated away from hookup culture. They can also be those that engage in hook up culture, in unhealthy ways, as it becomes a form of validation and affirmation that takes the place of internal self confidence that is otherwise lacking. Just like those people with self esteem issues, who engage and become stuck in unhealthy relationships, because they become dependant on them etc.

This can undoubtedly lead to harm. But I don't see the solution being, to denounce hook up culture, or more specifically, the desire to have casual sex. I recognise that you don't do that Dragonfire. But somebody here certainly does.. Looks sternly at Brenden :squint: :P

dragonfire wrote:People who look that good work hard at it, and see the results. There is nothing wrong with people exploring their sexuality however they see fit. But I do think that sometimes the impacts on less than confident people are misunderstood, not by gay people but society in general. That goes with straight hookup culture too, but within the gay community I think this trend is exacerbated because of the central role of sex to modern gay culture.
I don't think that in the context of gay culture, that this is a modern thing. I have said it before but I will say it again here, for anyone who didn't see it previously, but gay culture has always been highly sexualised, by virtue of the fact, that which sets us apart from mainstream "normal" society, is the the sex that we have and whom we have it with. Is it any surprise then, that gay culture has always has a preponderance of focus on matters carnal? I think it makes perfect sense.

I think what is most telling, is that, in modernity, as we have equalisation of law and cultural acceptance, the focus on sex is being called into question, because we no longer have to congregate in darkened rooms, behind boarded up windows and identify ourselves with subtle (and not so subtle) behaviours and special ingroup words.

Just like the debate around gays "going straight" or "mainstreaming" versus non-conformative queer relationships and sexual dynamics, what we have here are those that believe, that the old over sexualised gay culture, is anathema and needs to move aside, for a more palatable, more broadly socially acceptable waya of doing things. Sometimes advocates for one or the other are ideologically motivated. Sometimes the arguements for or against come from issues around confidence, self esteem and feeling like they aren't part of the ingroup, but instead are part of an outgroup and the internalised sense of stigmatisation that comes from such sentiments.

The reality, as with the debate over mainstreaming vs queer lifestyle, gender, sexuality etc, all the multitude of other things, that previously were subsumed beneath the overarching need to campaign for mere equality, are starting to look very different.

Where once it was unquestioned when the near naked leatherbears marched with the rest of the gay community, with nearly everything hanging out (and then some) was right and proper, because we needed to be seen, in our brilliant diversity. Now, having arrived at equality and acceptance, suddenly, the guy on a rope, wearing a leather mask and being led like a dog, is walking beside a mother and her two kids, who look abit awkard and suddenly... it doesn't seem appropriate.

The reality is that these things come down to the individual. Queer campaigners would decry any gay who didn't champion trans people as being a traitor to the cause. A mainstream gay person, would sneer at the leather fetish crowd, for their outlandish desire to display their fetish and give gay people a bad name and equally denounce them as harmful to the cause and liekly to the wellbeing of themselves and others.

What we have is a remarkable lack of tolerance amidst our community.

dragonfire wrote:From a moral point of view, I don't think hookups are a bad thing at all. I don't think being in a solid relationship is inferior or superior in any way to having a hookup.
And that is to your credit. :hug:

dragonfire wrote:But I do think kindness towards those who feel less able in this setting is important.
Kindness doesn't cost anything and I too wish more people were kind.

dragonfire wrote:As somebody who feels nervous and ugly just walking around outside, is nervous just going to a supermarket and has no self esteem, the world of hookups is very scary to me. Part of me wants to participate, but part of me feels like I never will. Part of me feels like I won't even find a relationship again, but it's a matter of perception and of self worth. That's on me, and I wouldn't want to stop anyone hooking up and living their lives the way they want to.
I know you acknowledge yourself that this is a matter of self esteem. I'm not sure how we could, collectively go about fixing peoples self esteem, I think it's a question that is very much on alot of peoples minds these days. But I can safely say, that being intolerant isn't one of the ways forward. Which I know you aren't DragonFire, but I say for everyone reading and for myself.

dragonfire wrote:I think this debate is a microcosm of the society we live in today in general, and its competitiveness. The pressure to look good, be successful, be capable. Those who can't feel bad, those who can but feel miserable trying feel bad. And those who feel good may sometimes struggle to understand.
And perhaps it is. Sadly human society has always held in high regard, those who succeed. Those that do first, those that do best, those that are beautiful and those that are capable. And here we begin to venture into tricky waters, as we touch upon the true nature of inequality of ability and how we reconcile ourselves to this inalienable truth. There will always be someone smarter, fitter, younger, quicker. It is nearly impossible to eliminate this inequality. We can no more become blind to it, than we can become blind to the ticking of the clock and the passing of the days into years, decades and a far distant future we may never see. The only real workaround, is to instill in one another, a sense of our own self worth, no matter how much more or less beautiful/successful/magnificent/being me, that one is. :P I think that soceity has alot of work to do and half the trouble, is that, well. People are dicks. Not always on purpose either. I can be a dick. We can all be dicks. When we haven't had our [INSERT ESSENTIAL MORNING BEVERAGE OF CHOICE HERE] and we're running late for work and some twat gets in your way and.... well, you weren't going to cut them up, but, hell they were ugly anyway so :pfft: :shrug: Patience, we all need more patience, more understanding, more tolerance and more respect. Problem is, those things often seem in short supply and that can be mightily depressing.

In more practical terms, has wider society become over sexualised? I would certainly say so. We need only look to the child beauty pageants, the massive commercial machine that relies on sex to sell and multitudes of media, art and even literature that paints a world of beautiful people and sells us on the belief that, that way lies happiness and success. It has become sine qua non. That which without, have not. Life without being beautiful, successful, wanted, needed and desired, is not a life worth living.

All I can say to that, is that society has been misled if that is the lesson it has learned. Life is about much more. But most importantly, it is about that which we choose it to be

dragonfire wrote:These are all my own ramblings, and I'm not good at making longer, thought-out posts like many others here. But I wanted to contribute as somebody who finds this issue particularly difficult, as somebody who doesn't participate in hookups not because they don't want to, but because they feel like they can't. An often forgotten group of people, I feel.
You did alright ;)
And not a forgotten group I feel, but perhaps, one for which there is only a short list of advice. Believe in yourself. It's simple advice, but not always easy to achieve. Sadly, there is only one person who can do so and only so much anyone else can say, to help you on that journey.

I will say that you have it within you to get from "here" to "there" :hug:
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby PopTart » 6 June 2021, 18:17

Anno_boy wrote:Hey all,
I am in a contact with a boy who is 3 years older then me, who would like to hookup with me. I would like that too, but i feel like its a weird thing to do since im still a virgin. I was wondering if you guys have any opinions on losing ur virginity through a hookup (i dont know him personally)?
Btw it would be legal for both of us

I owe you an apology, as I waded into your thread, all high minded talk and nary a moments thought to your actual question! For shame!

I personally, see no issue with you losing your virginity to a stranger via hookup, so long as that is something you are comfortable doing. If the idea of sex with this guy excites you, then by all means proceed. However I would caution you to do due diligence. Make sure that the person is who they say they are.

You can do this by meeting them in a public space before hand. If you don't like what you see or who you meet isn't how they presented themselve to you. Make your excuses and leave. If your in a public place, they shouldn't be able to make too much fuss. Don't do anything you don't want to!!!

Also, unless you are willing to accept the consequences of not being safe (like getting an STI) make sure you are use protection! Protect yourself. If the other guy says he doesn't like it. Tell him "no glove, no love" maybe not those exact words. But stick to your guns.

The only thing that gives me pause in this advice is this: Btw it would be legal for both of us Are you both of the legal age of consent for your country? (or state) Is homosexual sex acts legally allowed in your country?
If the answer to either of those questions is "no" then my advice is... complicated. I feel compelled to say no, don't do it. Partly for the risk you place yourself in, the risk you place your sexual partner in and the possibility that you might be here, not really wanting to do this at all, but have been groomed by some older guy and have come here, not knowing where else to go and I'd hate to endorse your action under those circumstances. Then there is the possibility you are in a country where it is illegal to be gay and that's a whole other kettle of rainbow coloured fish.

That said, I know alot of people who are technically underage still engage in sex and take needless risks in doing so, to avoid the risk of detection. Just be aware that if you are underage and the other person is not, that it is the other person who will face the law. Be mindful and respect your prospective sexual partner by being honest and telling the truth about your age. If you are underage and you aren't sure about this but the guy is pushing, knowing full well your age, Block the guy your talking too and wait a few years. If it's what you want then, by all means. There is no rush that you need to go do this now.

Otherwise, I can't imagine why else what you propose would be illegal. :confused:
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby Anno_boy » 6 June 2021, 19:53

Thank you all for the arguments and entire essays that you've written.
It would take me hours to reposnd to every single point that you have made, but just know that I have read everything and that I can feel where you are all comming from.
To specifically answer the last point from PopTart: I am in the netherlands, which legalised gay-marriage as first country in the world, so being gay is lawfully perfectly okay. I indeed meant that we are both by law allowed to 'engage in sexual intercourse'.

The idea of having my virginity be taken by a guy I met online has become a little more acceptable for me because of ur reactions, though I have realised that the guy I was refering to in my original question probably isn't a good choice, so thank you all for saving me from that.
I guess that the thing that is holding me back about meeting with strangers is that i'm scared that my future boyfriend would not share the same mindset regarding this topic as I do. If that would be the case, I would blame myself for not just waiting a little longer.

thank you all
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 6 June 2021, 20:01

Brenden wrote:They don't need to be special, but isn't it nicer to share a sucky experience with someone who likes you enough that it doesn't matter, who you can feel secure having a sucky experience with?

Hmm. I think it depends. Remember that time I divulged Ichol’s horror story of shitting liquid hot diarrhea on his hookup’s dick? The guy who was shat on apparently ran to the shower and Ichol precipitously left without a word. I think that was the right call. If that had happened to someone he knew intimately it would’ve made it worse. With the way it actually went down he has the ability to laugh it off and just tell people online while those around you irl are none the wiser.
Last edited by poolerboy0077 on 6 June 2021, 20:03, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby PopTart » 6 June 2021, 20:03

Anno_boy wrote:Thank you all for the arguments and entire essays that you've written.
It would take me hours to reposnd to every single point that you have made, but just know that I have read everything and that I can feel where you are all comming from.
To specifically answer the last point from PopTart: I am in the netherlands, which legalised gay-marriage as first country in the world, so being gay is lawfully perfectly okay. I indeed meant that we are both by law allowed to 'engage in sexual intercourse'.

The idea of having my virginity be taken by a guy I met online has become a little more acceptable for me because of ur reactions, though I have realised that the guy I was refering to in my original question probably isn't a good choice, so thank you all for saving me from that.
I guess that the thing that is holding me back about meeting with strangers is that i'm scared that my future boyfriend would not share the same mindset regarding this topic as I do. If that would be the case, I would blame myself for not just waiting a little longer.

thank you all

In response to your concern about a future partner.

Rare are the occasions, when partners can get together with someone and not expect them to have a history.

Long gone are the days when anyone settled with the first person they ever met. We all have a history.

Most guys, even the more Conservative or traditional ones, will likely expect that you have had a past and slept with other men. There are some who would see it as a good thing for you to be a virgin I'm sure.

But it isn't likely to be a game changer, in my experience.

If anything, people are going to want to know, if you were safe and took precautions. If you are involved with anyone currently and that you are healthy and sexually well adjusted.

None of which precludes a casual encounter or two before meeting that person.

Some guys might not want to know your sexual past at all, as it can make them uncomfortable and can led to envy and jealousy. Some guys will want all the details and it will vary per person.

But I think you should be okay.

Sorry for the essays btw 😅
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby PopTart » 6 June 2021, 20:03

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Brenden wrote:They don't need to be special, but isn't it nicer to share a sucky experience with someone who likes you enough that it doesn't matter, who you can feel secure having a sucky experience with?

Hmm. I think it depends. Remember that time I divulged Ichol’s horror story of shitting liquid hot diarrhea on his hookup’s dick? The guy who was shat on apparently ran to the shower and Ichol precipitously left without a word. I think that was the right call. If that had happened to someone he knew intimately it would’ve made it worse.

Well, there is that too :rofl:
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby René » 6 June 2021, 21:06

PopTart wrote:Long gone are the days when anyone settled with the first person they ever met. We all have a history.

Brenden and I did! We were each other's first sexual partner :)
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 6 June 2021, 21:42

René wrote:
PopTart wrote:Long gone are the days when anyone settled with the first person they ever met. We all have a history.

Brenden and I did! We were each other's first sexual partner :)

Whores.

I’m going to church now and I’ll pray for you both. :oface:
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Re: Hookup to lose virginity

Unread postby dragonfire » 6 June 2021, 22:23

PopTart wrote:I owe you an apology, as I waded into your thread, all high minded talk and nary a moments thought to your actual question! For shame!


I owe you this too OP, I'm sorry! I got so carried away in the debate that was happening and trying to jump in to provide my view that I ignored your original question. Partly because many users had already given you very useful answers, but I just wanted to give my view quickly too to make up for unintentionally contributing to the hijacking of your thread!

It sounds like the main thing you're worried about is a future partner's view of you, and I would agree with PopTart that there's nothing for you to worry about there. To be honest, my personal view is that if somebody is bothered about that enough for them to not want to be with you, which I think would be incredibly rare; then you probably deserve better than their judgemental attitude anyway.

Good luck with whatever happens, and know that you can always come here or to other supportive places if you ever get stuck on your journey :D
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