I can't stop feeling bad about my fantasies

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I can't stop feeling bad about my fantasies

Unread postby ghostspaces » 2 June 2021, 21:18

I've talked about this before: I feel a lot of shame regarding my sexual fantasies. Realistically I have no reason to feel bad. I have supportive people around me, my fantasies aren't harming anyone and they're far from extreme.
I think I simply have a problem with the lack of control that I associate with those fantasies and with letting myself go completely.

Example: couple of days ago I was coming home from work and I was already rather riled up and in this weird headspace where I either want to punch something or jerk myself into oblivion. Got home with my pants already being uncomfortably tight and so fucking desperate. But instead of just jerking off I decided not to touch myself but instead lubed up my hole really well and put my dildo right in there. Not gently but hard as if it was some guy shoving up his hard cock forcefully up my ass desperate to breed me. Kneeling on the bed I kept fucking myself fast and deep with that silicon cock, whimpering to some imaginary guy about how good his dick felt inside of me, about how much I needed this, imagining him calling me all kind of things and asking me to admit that I am a faggot and that I am into dicks. My cock was dripping at that point and I finally allowed myself to touch myself and I fucking exploded.

And then... I felt really bad. Empty and cold, with that strange bitter feeling in my mouth.

Happens all the time. Sometimes I just lie in bed sucking my dildo while moaning gently and feeling my desperate cock swell in my hand. I get lost in that fantasy completely. It feels amazing.
Until I cum. Then the shame sets in.

I don't fucking know how to handle this anymore. Several times a day I think that I desperately need to meet up with someone, anyone, just to feel a real cock inside of me again. But I know I would feel so fucking bad afterwards.

Fuck, I don't know what to do. I want to stop having these fantasies or to stop feeling bad about them.

Any advice will be appreciated.
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Re: I can't stop feeling bad about my fantasies

Unread postby Eryx » 3 June 2021, 13:10

The best way to handle this is with therapy. Sounds a lot like the typical diagnosis of internalized homophobia and shame of being sexually fulfilled. We're just other gay guys here, you might even hear some tips from people who had to deal with the same, but the only person who can actually help you, talk to you and ensure you can move past this is a professional therapist.

Personally, I was a little ashamed at first (when I was 12 or 13) and I couldn't handle actual penetration or even blowjobs when I started watching porn. Eventually I grew more used to things and felt prouder rather than abnormal. Actually having sex with people, trying to feel comfortable in sexual/intimate situations and talking to others who have similar fantasies and experiences all help, but it takes time and you could speed it up with someone who's licensed to deal with this stuff.

Otherwise just go the more difficult route, maybe you'll stop feeling this way eventually just out of getting more used to your own skin.
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Re: I can't stop feeling bad about my fantasies

Unread postby rogonandi » 3 June 2021, 17:11

You shouldn’t feel bad about any fantasies you’ve been having because fantasies of any sort don’t hurt anyone. They’re in the safety of your own mind.
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Re: I can't stop feeling bad about my fantasies

Unread postby ghostspaces » 5 June 2021, 11:46

Eryx wrote:The best way to handle this is with therapy. Sounds a lot like the typical diagnosis of internalized homophobia and shame of being sexually fulfilled. We're just other gay guys here, you might even hear some tips from people who had to deal with the same, but the only person who can actually help you, talk to you and ensure you can move past this is a professional therapist.

Personally, I was a little ashamed at first (when I was 12 or 13) and I couldn't handle actual penetration or even blowjobs when I started watching porn. Eventually I grew more used to things and felt prouder rather than abnormal. Actually having sex with people, trying to feel comfortable in sexual/intimate situations and talking to others who have similar fantasies and experiences all help, but it takes time and you could speed it up with someone who's licensed to deal with this stuff.

Otherwise just go the more difficult route, maybe you'll stop feeling this way eventually just out of getting more used to your own skin.


I never felt any shame about being gay in on itself. Only about being a whiny slutty whore. I just don't like the neediness and lack of control, I guess.
Better to have flamed in the darkness, to have
inspired others, to have lived, than to have sat
in the darkness, cursing the people who
borrowed, but did not return, your candle.
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Re: I can't stop feeling bad about my fantasies

Unread postby Eryx » 5 June 2021, 14:14

It's a very private thing and a sexual preference, it doesn't harm anyone and it doesn't diminish you as a person.
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Re: I can't stop feeling bad about my fantasies

Unread postby lufia » 11 June 2021, 01:08

I felt that way for a while. I unintentionally gave myself an anal orgasm when I was 13, and the shame immediately set in. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't gay and it was a one time thing. I didn't touch my ass again for a year while I spent every day trying to tell myself I didn't like it and I wasn't gay, until one day I couldn't take it anymore and started fingering myself and immediately exploded all over the place. Before I knew it I was wearing dresses and sticking anything I could find in my ass until I finally bought my first vibrator. I always felt this shame and guilt about it afterwards. I spent years trying to tell myself it was a phase, until I realized that it wasn't. After I realized that it wasn't I spent several more years trying desperately to hide it from everyone as the guilt became stronger and stronger. I eventually developed a serious drug habit, and became more and more miserable with each passing day. I lived this way for nearly 20 years, until I finally decided to let it go. I haven't fully come out and certainly don't go around waving a pride flag, but I have stopped hiding. I have decided to be myself. If I feel like going out with freshly shaven legs, shorts that are too short, and my thong showing, then I do it. The point I making here is that when I admitted to myself that this is who I am and stopped trying to hide it, that guilt and shame immediately went away. I am still in the process of introducing the real me to the world, but I am not ashamed anymore. My advice is to be happy with who your are. You can't change your sexual attraction, any more than I can change my gender presentation. The only thing you can change is how you feel about it. I look at life as a gigantic poker game where everyone gets one hand to play. Some people get better hands than others, but you can't worry about those other people. You can either play your hand to the best of your ability, or you can fold and give up. My advice is to ignore everyone else and just play your hand. Go out every day and be proud of who you are, because you have nothing to be ashamed of. That's what PRIDE is all about. If you do that, you will never have to feel guilty again.
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Re: I can't stop feeling bad about my fantasies

Unread postby René » 12 June 2021, 13:59

lufia wrote:I felt that way for a while. I unintentionally gave myself an anal orgasm when I was 13, and the shame immediately set in. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't gay and it was a one time thing. I didn't touch my ass again for a year while I spent every day trying to tell myself I didn't like it and I wasn't gay, until one day I couldn't take it anymore and started fingering myself and immediately exploded all over the place. Before I knew it I was wearing dresses

Huh? What's the connection?
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