I don’t know what sexuality I am

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I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby idontknowwhatiam » 3 July 2021, 07:49

hi there -

i’m really not sure what sexuality i would identify as so here’s some info about me, please let me know what you think i’d categorise as:

- like men’s genitals, penis, ass, balls, armpit hair (kinda a fetish you could say with the armpit hair)
- wants to be with a female
- never want to date or marry a man
- would like to have sex with a man

basically - want to live with/marry/date and have kids with a female/girl but likes men sexually.

thanks in advance, this is really puzzling me
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby pppppp42 » 3 July 2021, 14:20

Bisexual sexually but romantically more attracted more to women.

An interesting thought experiment, try to image what the perfect partner would be like and ask yourself if you would be romantically attracted to a guy with those traits.
I’ve never met a guy I would want to marry, but I can picture such a person in my head.
Physically I prefer more feminine guys but I love sex with pretty much anyone that is attractive to me male or female and guys are just so fun to play with, the parts are so interactive and the sex drives seem to be more on the same page.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby glückspilz » 5 July 2021, 17:00

When I remember the days I was your age, I felt the same. Imagining a romantic relationship with a man felt quite weird and uncomfortable. The reason I guess is that often we are mostly confronted with heterosexual relationships while we grow up.

So sexually you are fully attracted to men. So once you are familiar with gay sex romantic feelings will develop more and more. I think you're on the way of accepting yourself as a gay man.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby idontknowwhatiam » 6 July 2021, 10:38

wow thanks guys, that’s very interesting with the two different takes on it. i really still am unsure as i want to marry and have my own children with a lady but sexually am attracted to males.. so puzzling. thanks for your help lads :)
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Eryx » 6 July 2021, 13:56

Back in my day, wanting to marry and have kids with a woman while being exclusively sexually attracted to men was basically "gay in denial," but now I guess it's possible? If the girl is up for it I mean. Try marrying a lesbian!
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby joehot » 9 July 2021, 01:17

In the same boat, you're not alone. Good question, albeit I don't have an answer. I like the answers here. I chuckled at your suggestion @Eryx.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby idontknowwhatiam » 9 July 2021, 10:06

AHHH i know it’s so confusing!
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Jzone » 11 July 2021, 05:51

While I don't see a value in categorizing ourselves, I understand sexuality can be confusing. Try 'heteroflexible' on for size—

According to Wikipedia: Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by minimal homosexual activity in an otherwise primarily heterosexual orientation, which may or may not distinguish it from bisexuality. It has been characterized as "mostly straight".

Plus, it just sounds cool.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby glückspilz » 11 July 2021, 07:33

«Marrying a lesbian», «trying heteroflexible»… I don't see any values in these suggestions. I mean, idontknowwhatiam is 18 years old. I still think it's quite normal when developing homosexual feelings that you focus on physical attraction first.

Romantic feelings and interests in same sex relationships isn't anything that is conveyed to children/teenagers as an appropriate social norm in many societies, even these days.

He probably will start dating guys someday. And suddenly he will meet a guys which turns out to be more than just someone to fuck with. That's the point where you start developing feelings for a person. I think chances are good, that the heterosexual romantic feelings acquired by someones environment are going to crumble.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Eryx » 11 July 2021, 14:35

I agree entirely. This whole "you can be emotionally straight and sexually gay!" thing is overextending itself. I don't consider it completely impossible but the most likely scenario 9 times out of 10 is that the dude is actually gay but just hasn't come to terms with it. And affirming to him that he can just keep going on like that won't help him accept himself better. It will just leave him more confused and frustrated by the fact he can't feel sexually attracted to what he thinks he should develop romantic feelings for.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Jzone » 12 July 2021, 04:53

I disagree, almost entirely. There is no need to put this confused young man into just as confining a box as traditional mainstream society would. I believe many young people would be very flexible in their sexuality if family and society granted that freedom, and many would eventually settle as predominantly hetero or gay with some bisexual interest or tendencies. Many would of course be clearly hetero or gay, however those are only two points on a broad spectrum.

Just because someone is confused about conflicting sexual and romantic attractions does not mean they are a repressed homosexual. Some, yes — but nowhere near all. Having had romantic and sexual relationships with both men and women, I speak from personal experience. When I was 18 I didn't want to be called gay because I was afraid. Now I don't want to be called gay because that doesn't come close to describing my sexuality.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Derek » 12 July 2021, 05:44

Jzone wrote:I disagree, almost entirely. There is no need to put this confused young man into just as confining a box as traditional mainstream society would. I believe many young people would be very flexible in their sexuality if family and society granted that freedom, and many would eventually settle as predominantly hetero or gay with some bisexual interest or tendencies. Many would of course be clearly hetero or gay, however those are only two points on a broad spectrum.

Just because someone is confused about conflicting sexual and romantic attractions does not mean they are a repressed homosexual. Some, yes — but nowhere near all. Having had romantic and sexual relationships with both men and women, I speak from personal experience. When I was 18 I didn't want to be called gay because I was afraid. Now I don't want to be called gay because that doesn't come close to describing my sexuality.

That's a shockingly nuanced take. Usually you see comments like in that other thread saying it's actually impossible for a straight guy to have gay sex, like it's that hard to fit your penis in another person.

I don't know if it's possible to be sexually but not romantically interested in a gender, and from my perspective, it's really not my place to say. I think it's likely that many people who feel that way really have just internalized homophobic values and may overcome them with time, but given that there are billions of unique people in the world, it makes sense that there are some who work differently. We're at a place now where it's really not necessary to colonize the identity of anyone who rejects a label, regardless of the reason.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Brenden » 12 July 2021, 09:05

Derek wrote:I don't know if it's possible to be sexually but not romantically interested in a gender, and from my perspective, it's really not my place to say. I think it's likely that many people who feel that way really have just internalized homophobic values and may overcome them with time, but given that there are billions of unique people in the world, it makes sense that there are some who work differently.

I'm at like a 4 on the Kinsey Scale, but if there were a romantic Kinsey scale I would be at a 5 or nearly a 6. Do I have internalised heretophobia?
Disclaimer: All views expressed in my posts are my own and do not reflect the views of this forum except when otherwise stated or this signature is not present.

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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Derek » 12 July 2021, 14:57

I just said I don't know, it's not my place, everyone is different, and it doesn't matter.

...But with you, obviously it would be misogyny, not heterophobia. I mean talk about a layup.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Jzone » 13 July 2021, 02:04

Derek wrote:That's a shockingly nuanced take.

Funny — "The Shockingly Nuanced" is the name of band I started in high school
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 13 July 2021, 23:19

Eryx wrote:I don't consider it completely impossible but the most likely scenario 9 times out of 10 is that the dude is actually gay but just hasn't come to terms with it.

The Archuleta Effect.
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Derek » 14 July 2021, 00:35

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Eryx wrote:I don't consider it completely impossible but the most likely scenario 9 times out of 10 is that the dude is actually gay but just hasn't come to terms with it.

The Archuleta Effect.

The Tom Daley Effect.

I remember feeling really smug about calling that one. Looking back, I don't think I was wrong, exactly... but I do think it's a rude thing to do.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 14 July 2021, 00:53

Derek wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:
Eryx wrote:I don't consider it completely impossible but the most likely scenario 9 times out of 10 is that the dude is actually gay but just hasn't come to terms with it.

The Archuleta Effect.

The Tom Daley Effect.

I remember feeling really smug about calling that one. Looking back, I don't think I was wrong, exactly... but I do think it's a rude thing to do.

Tom was like super obvious. Is it really rude or are we doing them a favor by having them catch up to everyone else’s realization?
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Derek » 14 July 2021, 01:00

That sounds like something Perez Hilton would say to himself in the mirror.
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Re: I don’t know what sexuality I am

Unread postby Severelius » 14 July 2021, 09:45

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Derek wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:
Eryx wrote:I don't consider it completely impossible but the most likely scenario 9 times out of 10 is that the dude is actually gay but just hasn't come to terms with it.

The Archuleta Effect.

The Tom Daley Effect.

I remember feeling really smug about calling that one. Looking back, I don't think I was wrong, exactly... but I do think it's a rude thing to do.

Tom was like super obvious. Is it really rude or are we doing them a favor by having them catch up to everyone else’s realization?

I mean the ideal way to behave is to let them come to terms with it on their own time. But obviously sometimes thirst overrides ideal logic.

But then again I've never really 'called' anyone turning out to be gay/bi. I've always said I don't have a gaydar I have a wish-you-were-gaydar and sometimes I just get lucky and dudes I hope are into cock turn out to be into cock after all. Though not with any regularity.

Jack Dylan Grazer was the most recent, but I'm still waiting on Dylan O'Brien for example.
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