Married but am i gay?

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Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Newbie176 » 9 August 2017, 09:17

I am male 47 married for 8 years. My wife is the 4th woman i have lived with. In most of my relationships over the last 20 years i have enjoyed receiving anal with sex toys but i have never had sex with another man. Over the last 2 year my desire to have anal has replaced that to have heterosexual sex and I actively deny my wife sex unless she has used our toys on me. I watch gay porn rather than straight porn. I do not flirt with men but i do obsess about gay sex and cock. I love my wife and have no desire to leave, however, i do wonder why i am obsessed with gay sex when i am not attracted to men and do not want a relationship with men. It is quite confusing.

Am i Gay?
Is it just a healthy sex life?
Should i worry?
Should i make arrangements to have gay sex to see if that moves me on to another place?
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Prince_G_24 » 9 August 2017, 20:18

Am i Gay?: Sounds like you just wanna try it up the ass
Is it just a healthy sex life?: Sure
Should i worry?: Nope
Should i make arrangements to have gay sex to see if that moves me on to another place?: If you wanna try it and your wife consents, go for it
A life that lives without doing anything is the same as a slow death.
- Code Geass
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Derek » 9 August 2017, 23:11

That's my favorite thread title.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby jackangel » 22 September 2017, 17:12

Just go for it!
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Lendmeyourears » 1 April 2020, 07:20

Hi, I know this is an old thread but I am in similar situation and I would love to know how things panned out, cheers
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Eryx » 1 April 2020, 20:01

He's probably not coming back, but from the experience I've had in these forums and in life, he's either a bisexual guy who really wanted to act on his attraction towards men, or he's realizing he's gay after a long time and it's finally becoming too much of a burden for him to ignore it. If it's happening to you, those are the two possibilities you should probably consider. There's no growing out of it.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Lendmeyourears » 1 April 2020, 20:48

Thanks, I have realised for a long time that I must be bisexual, I still find women very attractive.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Remington » 28 May 2020, 02:42

I was married for 20 years. my wife told me shortly after we got married that she knew I was gay but she thought she could change me. she never did. I cheated on her a couple of times while I was married. after she died I went back to having sex with men.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby betonhaus » 28 May 2020, 05:13

Just out of mild curiosity would a threesome with a second man ever be considered as a way to spice up a sex life?
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Ander1969 » 28 May 2020, 15:46

For sure! I was married to a woman for 20 + years before I learned that she was so turned on by men having sex with men. When I finally came out, she ran out and bought a strap on. Nailed me good! Now she never joined in with me and a guy, but she loved to hear about my escapades and pounded my ass often.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Eryx » 28 May 2020, 16:01

Definitely, for some couples. I'm not personally into it as of this moment, but I've done it before with previous boyfriends and some of the experiences were great.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Ander1969 » 28 May 2020, 16:16

Yup. Approach with caution. Threesomes are not for everyone. The last one I was involved in, I was the anniversary present for a gay couple. Well, shortly after, the couple split up and I got a new BF out of the deal, so be very careful.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby f40gto » 29 May 2020, 19:27

I have been having sex with men since I was a kid but never in a relationship. I have been married to my wife for 20 years now and have had sex with men on the side but this is not enough anymore. Its odd Im into cars and boats and being manly but when Im with a man I love to please him - I love to bottom - I want to wake up with another man in the morning and sex with my wife is getting more difficult.

I started with dildos and all and watching gay porn but I needed the real thing and LOVED it when I got it! Be careful what you wish for but enjoy
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Eryx » 29 May 2020, 19:43

It's not odd, it's just that interests and activities have absolutely nothing to do with which sex you like to fuck.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby f40gto » 29 May 2020, 20:48

I agree it doesn't matter. I just find it a little odd that I always act the man part until Im in bed with a man. I also think the escape from me is what I enjoy - its like IM not myself when Im with a man - if that makes any sense??
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Eryx » 29 May 2020, 21:29

You don't escape the man part by being a bottom, though. For gay sex to exist there must be someone on the receiving end. There's nothing feminine about it. Women aren't involved.

I'm a masculine guy (just because I am, not because I feel like I have to be) and I have always been a bottom. I've topped maybe three times and it didn't interest me all that much. So that means I prefer getting pleasure from the prostate than through fucking someone. It doesn't mean I abdicated my manhood because I'm a bottom.

But I know what you mean. You act like you're a dominant person, sure of yourself, for most of the time, right? But when having sex with another guy, you want to be submissive and tamed. That's natural. We let out things we tend to keep to ourselves during sex, sometimes. That's one of the things that make it so great.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Ander1969 » 29 May 2020, 22:38

f40gto wrote:I agree it doesn't matter. I just find it a little odd that I always act the man part until Im in bed with a man. I also think the escape from me is what I enjoy - its like IM not myself when Im with a man - if that makes any sense??


Man, it makes total sense. I was with my wife for 31 years started dating at 17. Problem was, I discovered my need for men while in my mid thirties. And what you and I experienced is not uncommon. Happens way more than you think.

I believe that, historically, with straight couples, society always places labels as "the man/husband" and "the woman/wife", also known as gender roles. But sometimes these roles are inaccurate. Both can be both. As the man, the protector, sometimes you need to feel protected and safe. Very natural.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby f40gto » 30 May 2020, 00:53

I miss it badly!
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby Ander1969 » 2 July 2020, 15:49

There is a saying, "if you repress, you will obsess."
Now I know it's not for everyone, and my situation was totally unique, but I was able to renegotiate the terms of my marriage to include men. Once we got over the initial storm, she was ok with it. My wife's initial fear was that I was going to leave her, and many times that is the case. But I stayed with her under the new terms and she was on board. After the initial period of me slutting around, I settled down with one guy and I have no regrets.. we three became great friends and really a family unit. My wife has since passed and it's me and him and my two kids. Crazy I know but it all worked out for us.
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Re: Married but am i gay?

Unread postby swayinginthewind » 2 July 2020, 19:01

I think the most important part of this kind of situation is open-communication. I understand the possible fear of ruining a family, but not communicating it and acting on it in secret poses the same threat. Things always have a way of coming to light, and this would be no exception. Whether it be that you wife suspects and investigates, or she stumbles upon something she shouldn't have. It's happened to me in different context, and I've seen it happen in similar. It's better to be brave and honest, than potentially putting your wife at risk. Things can happen during these encounters that aren't always accounted for in protected and unprotected sex, and then taking it home to her, passing it onto her if you're sexually active - it's risky. Not to mention the damage is always greater when a person has to discover the truth, or hears about it, than when it is decidedly discussed with them directly. As we've seen, in some cases, it works out. Other instances may not be so favorable, but ultimately, communicating it and allowing your spouse to decide what to do with that information is best.
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