My Conundrum

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My Conundrum

Unread postby PegLegPete1218 » 28 October 2022, 22:20

I am a 61 year old White Male. Semi-Retired and Partly Disabled.
For the majority of my life, I knew I had sexual feelings toward women, and some men. I was more picky about the men than the women for some reason. I had a best friend that I was very jealous of and wanted to be with him all the time, never wanted anyone else near him.

Later on in life I had a short relation with a cute cross dresser, between other relationships. Thinking back on it, I probably hooked up with him, because I was rebounding from a bad divorce and he was a friend and close at the time.

All that being said. I never really had any sexual relations with men. Mutual Masturbation was the closest I got.
When I was married though, My Ex was adamant that I could not have Anal sex with her, unless I knew what it felt like. She took great pleasure in pegging me, and frankly I got to like it, pretty damned quickly.

About 10 years ago, I began using toys on myself to get that feeling again. I also noticed that I could sit back and stare at pictures of naked women for hours and not react in the least. But, put up an image of a good looking man with a good looking penis and I got that instant tingle in my groin.

There is no question in my mind that I crave a sexual relation with a Man. My issue is that I also want him to be someone I have more than just sex with, and it is becoming increasingly difficult to find and gt to know someone. Especially at my age and in my condition.

It seems that those who are interested either want to assert dominance over someone, or want a Daddy, or Grandpa, to live out an incestuous fantasy. I'm frankly not into that at all.

I think I may be the most complex, uncomplicated person ever. While my interests are pretty diverse, my unwillingness to step out of my comfort zones is practically set in stone. At my age, feeling safe in everything I do, has become more paramount to me than fulfilling fantasies.

Thanks for listening/Reading
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Re: My Conundrum

Unread postby NobodySpecial » 16 November 2022, 13:52

PegLegPete1218 wrote:I am a 61 year old White Male. Semi-Retired and Partly Disabled.
...

There is no question in my mind that I crave a sexual relation with a Man. My issue is that I also want him to be someone I have more than just sex with, and it is becoming increasingly difficult to find and get to know someone. Especially at my age and in my condition.

It seems that those who are interested either want to assert dominance over someone, or want a Daddy, or Grandpa, to live out an incestuous fantasy. I'm frankly not into that at all.

I think I may be the most complex, uncomplicated person ever. While my interests are pretty diverse, my unwillingness to step out of my comfort zones is practically set in stone. At my age, feeling safe in everything I do, has become more paramount to me than fulfilling fantasies.

Thanks for listening/Reading


I'm surprised that no one commented on your detailed post by now. I'm a tad bit older than you --- I'll be 63 in a month. I'm different than you in that i do like hairy guys. While I do like what I consider handsome guys, I never cared that much about penises. I figured they cum with the male territory. Being infertile, I guess I have an appreciation for big balls. For penises, I think the only thing that would turn me off is if the guy is uncircumsized and doesn't keep it clean. I'm more interested in a handsome face, nice musculature, nice chest, legs, and of course a nice ass. Above all that I like someone who is kind. All these things I have in my partner. I am so lucky.

About the only place I think hair it is gross on a man is in the nose. Though I tended towards older guys, I ended up with someone exactly 5 months older than me. I think that is for the best because we are growing old together. I don't have to figure out all the younger generations pop culture. As for older men at this point in my life, there are not a a lot of older men anymore.. Also towards younger men, I wouldn't want someone eventually having to take care of me as I get older.. Again, I have what I want in my partner.

I'm not sure what you mean by dominance. I am a top which means very little anymore as I have ED. Some use that term as a dominance vs submissive, but I simply mean it as I just love being inside a guy. It isn't about banging my way to a finish line of orgasm, but the "connection". When my partner would say he wants me inside him and that I'm the only one, My heart would just melt. When I first started m2m sex back in my early 20's, I did bottom because I was naively told by older guys that you had to be hung to be a top -- I'm just average. I NEVER enjoyed it. The first few years I thought that the consequence of homosexual sex was enjoying the close company of a man, but putting up with the misery of m2m sex. Then one day a kind man let me put my penis inside him. I took to it as a duck takes to water. For the first time I realized just how wonderful m2m sex could be. I never saw him again, but I am forever grateful.

I didn't see my partners as my Dad or Grandpa, but I would in accurate to say I didn't have some need for a paternal kind of love. I'm not talking about financial care. The thought of owing someone for taking financial care of me was just a total turn off. I only lived with my dad from the ages of 11 to 14.5, but it was horrible.. We made our peace before he died. I loved him because he was my Dad, but to be totally honest, I never liked him. He could be such a mean individual. Years later I saw him do that to my sisters' kids. I then realized it wasn't about me, but just his own meanness. When I see a dad or grandpa holding a boy's hand or hosting him on his shoulders, I think about how wonderful those times were with my grandpa who sadly died when I was only 7.5 years old, and I think about how none of that ever interested my dad. It was his loss.

So these older men I was involved with, I didn't see as some fulfillment of an incestuous fetish, but rather having a paternal streak that was nurturing and caring -- something I dearly missed in my childhood except for those few years that my grandpa was alive. Being told by my own dad that you are retarded despite bring home A's on your report card, means that having and older man saying he likes you, that he is proud of you, etc. meant so much. The problem I had with guys my own age when I was a young adult was that they seemed so immature. I just couldn't relate to them. Maybe some of that is due to the fact that most of my raising was done by my maternal grandmother. So I grew up more with my grandma's generation than my parent's generation.

Unlike you, while I don't find women unattractive, once I found out that I couldn't sire kids, the desire to go down the expected "marry a woman and settle down" path just wasn't there for me. I didn't care for the stereotyped gay urban lifestyle. Basically, I did want to settle down, it is just that i wanted to settle down with a man I wasn't looking for him to act like a woman nor myself, but likewise I didn't want him to be aloof like a stereotypical male either.

I have had a wonderful partner for the last 19+ years. We pretty much keep to ourselves. I hate getting old, but I'm doing it with a wonderful partner. I hope we have many more years of healthy living.
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Re: My Conundrum

Unread postby PegLegPete1218 » 16 November 2022, 22:20

NobodySpecial wrote:
PegLegPete1218 wrote:I'm not sure what you mean by dominance. I am a top which means very little anymore as I have ED. Some use that term as a dominance vs submissive, but I simply mean it as I just love being inside a guy. It isn't about banging my way to a finish line of orgasm, but the "connection".


That, I think is the heart of the matter. I've never been an overly aggressive person, even in my relations with women. I simply don't want someone to assume that since I 'WANT' to try being bottom in an M2M relation, that I want them to handle me roughly. I don't want someone to bang away, for lack of a better term, like a Bull in a China shop.

Dealing with ED is the least of my worries right now. There are issues I have that could literally get me killed with the wrong kind of interaction.. I am definitely not the trim and athletic type. I'm the hairy Dad bod type. But despite looking sturdy, outwardly, After several major surgeries, I am fairly fragile and breakable just below the surface.

I want a connection, like anyone else, but I also want to be able to fulfill some of my recent sexual desires. I won't know if I enjoy it or not until I try. But, I think I mentioned, I really enjoyed being pegged, so I really do want to try the real thing.
In the twentieth century, nowhere on Earth was sex so vigorously suppressed than in America and nowhere was there such a deep interest in it.

--- STRANGER INA STRANGE LAND
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Re: My Conundrum

Unread postby jaredjoy90 » 17 November 2022, 14:50

Well go date and see what you find. I am 32 and only had my first gay experience about 8 years ago but from what I can guess is that being 60+ you will probably have to be the agressor and realize that you can't change how people will view you until you grab the bull by the horns and say what you want. Of course it would be nice if everyone who wants a relationship got one, but that's not how the system works. You have to put in the time to fine someone who will view you the way you want to be viewed. You are probably wiser than me but thats just my 2 cents! Good luck!
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