My sexuality

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My sexuality

Unread postby Sammy99 » 16 November 2020, 03:34

For years I’ve been wondering about my sexuality. I know that I am physically attracted to men of a similar age (18-22 years), so I usually simply come out as ‘gay’ to other people. However, I feel like this only captures part of my true sexual identity, and I’m still struggling to understand the other half.

I feel like my sexual fantasies are of a very weird nature. When masturbating, I usually put myself in the perspective someone else (e.g., a male friend of mine or other men of my age I can relate to). I imagine their arousal while masturbating or during sexual intercourse. My problem is that it is not really the nudity of my friends (or their sexual partners) that excites me. What excites me is to perceive the arousal from their perspective and to feel the way I would imagine them to feel in this situation (this might even be a straight friend having sex with his gf). In a similar manner, when reading books, I often get an erection while the excitement of the male protagonist is described.

However, it is difficult for me to imagine myself engaging in sex. I’ve never really been into any kind of porn. If anything, I find the ‘making out’ part where the actors still wear their pants and/or underwear (and you only see the bulge) more exciting. But as soon as they get completely naked and have sex, I just don’t find it very appealing anymore. I noticed something similar with my boyfriend. I was easily aroused when we were kissing or kuddling (or just intently looking into each other’s eyes), but when it came to sexual action, I struggled to stay hard and finish.

Now I’m wondering what this means for my sexuality. Does this seem like an insecurity with respect to my sexual orientation? Or rather like some type of asexuality? Or simply a lack of experience? Naturally, I find it very difficult to discuss this issue with anybody, so I was hoping that maybe someone in this forum might relate or share their ideas and thoughts.
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Re: My sexuality

Unread postby Eos » 16 November 2020, 06:59

It is not asexuality in my opinion.
You simply like one part of the sex more than you like others, and still we are only talking about porn here. I'm thinking you would have a better time using only your imagination. And once you find true love it will most likely be a whole different experience.
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Re: My sexuality

Unread postby Eryx » 16 November 2020, 23:02

I felt the same way about porn when I was a little younger than you. Kissing and cute stuff would get me hard and I'd enjoy masturbating, but it seemed like something was blocking out my arousal with actual sex. It all went away eventually, as I had more different experiences.

I don't know, maybe you do have a different attraction to sex, but if that's the case, I'm sure you'll be able to work it out. Especially if you seek out professional help. A sex therapist might be helpful.
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