Not gay but...

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Not gay but...

Unread postby exalted » 9 January 2020, 15:33

Okay so this will take some amount of explaining so please bare with me.

I am a straight man, i don't find men physically attractive, i have never been curious even remotely.

I started going out with a girl a few months ago and after a week or so sex started to become an issue (not having any) she said she wanted to wait, she has had too many disapointments in the past etc. I liked this girl alot so i left it alone.

Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago and (while at her place) she starts to cry and tells me she was born a man and is pre-op, as you would expect i acted pretty poorly and stormed out, she was texting and calling non stop and i ignored it all, i was so mad but at the same time i felt really horrible just ignoring her i was falling in love with her, i truly had strong feelings for her, i was at a loss of what to do.

About 2 weeks ago i went to her house to talk, i told her how i was falling in love with her and how i feel so betrayed, why would you do this etc etc. Feelings were flying everywhere!

Then things got weird (atleast for me) i hugged her and she kissed me and i realised i didn't really care what was below the belt and we started to make out.

In the past 2 weeks i have personally come to terms with my feelings and have eagerly done things no straight man would.

None of that is my dilemma. You see, she wants to have anal, my anal! And if she was "average" id say why not, lets try it but she is not average.

I know I'll let her but im VERY worried, nothing has ever gone in there before, any and all advice would be very much appreciated!
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Brenden » 9 January 2020, 16:07

I think it's weird that a MTF transexual would want to have penetrative anal sex using her penis, and I think it's gross that they would expect a heterosexual to just be okay with it. I bet if you refused she'd call you transphobic, too. It's a bit rape-y, in fact.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby exalted » 9 January 2020, 16:23

Brenden wrote:I think it's weird that a MTF transexual would want to have penetrative anal sex using her penis, and I think it's gross that they would expect a heterosexual to just be okay with it. I bet if you refused she'd call you transphobic, too. It's a bit rape-y, in fact.


Well my whole life is weird at this point! Are you saying i should just leave her?

Im 32 i have no clue how the "other side" operates, if i love her and am somewhat willing why is it wrong/weird.

I know im being pretty ignorant right now so ill just apologize incase i offend anyone, its not intentional.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Frigid » 9 January 2020, 16:42

Brenden’s concerns are a little premature as not all people with gender dysphoria experience it the same way. Some feel the need to fully transition, others feel comfortable with simply changing their style, other’s may just have breast augmentation/reduction, and some only have hormone. Blair White On YouTube does excellent videos explaining both dysphoria and how it affects people differently. She’s still got a penis and has a straight long term boyfriend, who features in her videos and explains his perspective as a straight man in a relationship with a trans woman.

So long as you’re willing, why not go for it? Usual tips for bottoming: eat salad (joke), nothing spicy, clean well, relax, and hopefully enjoy the experience! There’s more than enough guides out there about how to prepare and enjoy anal - it’s no different whether you’re Male or female. However, if on reflection she’s a transtrender (someone doing it for attention and not due to dysphoria) or has done it to sexually exploit you (trap) then please reconsider.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby René » 9 January 2020, 17:08

exalted wrote:
Brenden wrote:I think it's weird that a MTF transexual would want to have penetrative anal sex using her penis, and I think it's gross that they would expect a heterosexual to just be okay with it. I bet if you refused she'd call you transphobic, too. It's a bit rape-y, in fact.

Well my whole life is weird at this point! Are you saying i should just leave her?

Im 32 i have no clue how the "other side" operates, if i love her and am somewhat willing why is it wrong/weird.

I know im being pretty ignorant right now so ill just apologize incase i offend anyone, its not intentional.

I don't think that's what Brenden is saying, I think he's mainly expressing how he would feel if such a thing happened to him.

I don't think you're being ignorant at all. I think you're being really accommodating and open-minded and I hope your girlfriend feels very lucky! :keke:
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby exalted » 9 January 2020, 17:13

Frigid wrote:Brenden’s concerns are a little premature as not all people with gender dysphoria experience it the same way. Some feel the need to fully transition, others feel comfortable with simply changing their style, other’s may just have breast augmentation/reduction, and some only have hormone. Blair White On YouTube does excellent videos explaining both dysphoria and how it affects people differently. She’s still got a penis and has a straight long term boyfriend, who features in her videos and explains his perspective as a straight man in a relationship with a trans woman.

So long as you’re willing, why not go for it? Usual tips for bottoming: eat salad (joke), nothing spicy, clean well, relax, and hopefully enjoy the experience! There’s more than enough guides out there about how to prepare and enjoy anal - it’s no different whether you’re Male or female. However, if on reflection she’s a transtrender (someone doing it for attention and not due to dysphoria) or has done it to sexually exploit you (trap) then please reconsider.


To be honest the thought never entered my head that she was exploiting me, now im just starting to doubt again.

I think perhaps coming here was a mistake or maybe it saved me from something awful.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby René » 9 January 2020, 18:18

exalted wrote:know I'll let her but im VERY worried, nothing has ever gone in there before, any and all advice would be very much appreciated!

If you do decide to go through with it, for cleanliness it's very helpful to make sure you're eating a good diet with plenty of fibre (ideally the recommended 38 grams a day for men); a good breakfast cereal will have a decent amount and you can mix it with All-Bran or something similar to increase your fibre intake. Always go for 100% wholegrain products (among cereal, bread, biscuits etc.) over refined grain. Choose high-cacao dark chocolate over milk chocolate and you can get some fibre from there as well. Plenty of fruits & veggies. Leave the skins on apples and potatoes etc.

Also, the most comfortable way for the penis to enter you IME is to sit on top of it and guide it in yourself. That gives you a lot more control over the process. Needless to say, plenty of appropriate lubricant should be used, and it is helpful to apply some yourself using a finger prior to entry (of course make sure your nails are short and filed around so they're not sharp :D).

It won't necessarily be painful, but for most people it is the first time, especially if the penis is rather large.

Let us know what happens :)
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Brenden » 9 January 2020, 18:45

Frigid wrote:Brenden’s concerns are a little premature as not all people with gender dysphoria experience it the same way. Some feel the need to fully transition, others feel comfortable with simply changing their style, other’s may just have breast augmentation/reduction, and some only have hormone. Blair White On YouTube does excellent videos explaining both dysphoria and how it affects people differently. She’s still got a penis and has a straight long term boyfriend, who features in her videos and explains his perspective as a straight man in a relationship with a trans woman.

Except for the last sentence, all you're talking about is what they put themselves and their bodies through to satisfy their mental disorder.

Expecting heterosexual men or homosexual women to just accept being penetrated by their lady-penises, or emotionally manipulating them into doing so, is sick. Just because some find ("straight") partners who are fine with their bodies and disorder doesn't change that.

People with gender dysphoria need therapy.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Derek » 9 January 2020, 18:58

Brenden is a TERF.

OP, if you don't want to get fucked in the ass, you don't have to. It's fine to have boundaries.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Brenden » 9 January 2020, 19:05

The most insulting thing in that acronym is the last letter.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Derek » 9 January 2020, 19:21

Brenden is a MGTOW.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby René » 9 January 2020, 20:24

Derek wrote:Brenden is a MGTOW.

Maximum gross take-off weight...that's low. He's lost a lot of weight you know!
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Derek » 10 January 2020, 05:13

We should have this out. Brenden, what's your beef with trans people lately?
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Brenden » 10 January 2020, 05:53

I’ve always been skeptical of transsexualism, especially where it pertains to giving children hormones. I have seen several studies that found that children who present with gender dysphoria overwhelmingly grow up to turn out gay. In fact, I think one even found more turned out to be straight than persisted in their dysphoria.

Yet society and many parents now seem insistent on instantly and without question accepting any sign of dysphoria as set in stone identity and a sign that the child was born ‘in the wrong body’ and needing their ‘true’ identity to be affirmed and their bodies to be chemically (and eventually physically) fucked with, in ways we don’t know the long-term health ramifications of, that result in sterilisation, and which are also used to chemically castrate sex offenders.

This flies in the face of “first, do no harm” medical wisdom and my ideology of maximising human well-being.

It may also be homophobic. There’s a reason why Iran is okay with transsexuals and is more than happy to make sure they all get “gender affirming” treatment, while meanwhile gays are put to death. The same thought pattern could be present in parents who would rather have a highly gender dimorphic straight child than a gay one.

I’ve heard about young, often slightly autistic girls who get “sudden onset gender dysphoria” because they aren’t fitting in at school and it offers a socially-acceptably, in the current zeitgeist, explanation for the feeling of not being in the right skin that is typical of autism. They are of course immediately accepted as trans, because to do otherwise would be “transphobic”.

I’ve heard more and more stories of people who de-transition, and it’s pretty clear those stories are suppressed as “transphobic” by a zeitgeist of trans acceptance. People have been banned from Twitter for mentioning them.

In fact, all of what I’m saying is now classed as “transphobic” and wrongthink.

New scientific/medical studies are not being done for fear of the label. Old ones are suppressed. Biological truth is being swept under the rug.

I refuse to stand by while truth is being suppressed in the name of identity politics, especially when it entails such harm and radical change to society and basic meaning.

Lately though, I’ve felt more emboldened, for instance by the new LBG Alliance in the UK and the so-called “TERFs” amongst feminists.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Derek » 10 January 2020, 06:22

It sounds like you're collecting counter-examples. But is your problem with credulous doctors and naive parents, or is it with trans people? Do you deny the lived experiences of all the trans people who have credited their transition with giving them a shot at living a fulfilled life? The tone of your rhetoric suggests you think that the transgender wish is just a delusion, that the act of transitioning is inherently bad, and that the sexuality of people who sleep with trans people is suspect. Surely we can compartmentalize how we view the culture of discourse, the philosophy of gender, and trans people themselves?
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Brenden » 10 January 2020, 07:12

I think transsexualism, when not linked to actual genetic and physical disorders such as intersex people have, is as suspect a concept as transracialism. Michael Jackson needed therapy, not race-affirming plastic surgery!

Derek wrote:Do you deny the lived experiences of all the trans people who have credited their transition with giving them a shot at living a fulfilled life?

I think they can certainly think that, especially in an atmosphere that affirms that thought. I don't blame them for that or seeking out what they think (perhaps misguidedly) is the best course of action for dealing with their mental disorder.

I've noticed on the LGBT subreddit many posts about finding and sharing details of doctors who just prescribe hormone therapy with no psychiatric questions asked. I suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, which is like dysphoria, and if there were a pill I could pop that people said would make my body look the way I want it to look, I'd certainly be tempted, even if there were many side effects and potential unknown consequences. It does seem like the path of least resistance.
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby exalted » 12 January 2020, 17:00

Okay, im back and firstly brenden fuck you (thats from kim)

I had my girlfiend read all this, she is not confused, a transtrender and she is most definitely not exploiting me.

Secondly none of that advice helped (thanks though) a simple "prepare for a significant amount of pain" would have been far more helpful. And why the hell did no one mention its going to feel like i need to shit for like, 24 hours straight?!?

Lets just say that won't be happening again anytime soon.

Still staying together though!
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby René » 12 January 2020, 17:13

exalted wrote:And why the hell did no one mention its going to feel like i need to shit for like, 24 hours straight?!?

In all my 10+ years of being sexually active as a bottom I've never once experienced anything like that. So mentioning it would have been quite a weird thing to do.

Does your girlfriend produce, like, boatloads of semen or something? :P
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby exalted » 12 January 2020, 17:28

René wrote:
exalted wrote:And why the hell did no one mention its going to feel like i need to shit for like, 24 hours straight?!?

In all my 10+ years of being sexually active as a bottom I've never once experienced anything like that. So mentioning it would have been quite a weird thing to do.

Does your girlfriend produce, like, boatloads of semen or something? :P

Seemed like an average amout of cemen.

Is my ass now broken? lol
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Re: Not gay but...

Unread postby Capt._Trips » 12 January 2020, 17:58

That's awesome your keeping an open mind and accepting that you love this person.
That's something she definitely should have mentioned before the relationship. But It is what it is and you can't go back in time. It could potentially be dangerous to her if it were a different guy.

It's sweet you two are still together and in love.

Anal sex gets easier and more enjoyable with experience. Especially with the same person (or size). Almost everyones first time hurts.
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