Platonic friendship after dating? Need advice

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Platonic friendship after dating? Need advice

Unread postby Jan101 » 3 January 2019, 18:22

I guess this will be my first none-introduction post, and I’m afraid it’s one I don’t know how to address. I recommend if you haven’t seen that post to read it, as it may explain my situation and circumstances further.

New Year’s Eve, I ended up becoming single again after a few short weeks of dating a guy who I was really in to, and he said he was the same. He said because of the circumstances of our situation (I’m living abroad currently but I’m due to move home in the next few months, plus we’re both going through difficult times currently) it was best if we moved with our relationship purely platonically, because he was developing feelings fast and did not want to be heartbroken when I moved home again. The thing is I was honestly confused with the whole situation, but I wanted to keep our friendship at least so I agreed. However, since I’ve returned back to where I’m living from his (I celebrated New Years with him and friends), it feels like he doesn’t even want to talk. I know it’s only been a short time, but I thought I’d get at least some acknowledgment because of the situation we’re both in. I struggle with day to day tasks as it is, and have no current other friends here I can talk to, which he knows, thus I feel extremely isolated because of. I don’t want to lose his friendship but I’m scared that this is already happening, which if it does will isolate me further. I don’t feel I can function properly, I’ve been spending hours just sleeping in order to pass time as I can’t concentrate on any tasks, not even watching TV or any hobbies I’m passionate about.

I guess I’m asking what I should do about the situation. I know I can move on from dating somebody to being purely friends, and good friends, as that is weirdly how I became friends with my best friend at home in the first place. I don’t want to pester him, but I need to know whether he truly wants to remain friends or whether he said that just to keep me okay at the time (I honestly think it was because he intended it, but now I’m not so sure because of the lack of interactions we’ve had since). Just any advise would be appreciated, realistic and honest.
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Re: Platonic friendship after dating? Need advice

Unread postby PopTart » 3 January 2019, 23:01

Hey Jan.

Could be he just needs some time to adjust, it's no easy thing to put aside those feelings, if they were growing as quickly and suddenly as he says.

He might actually be hurting or confused but feels unable to talk to you about how He is feeling, I'd find that difficult I think.

It may be he has every intention of having a platonic relationship with you, but needs time and space to get himself where he needs to be to make that happen.

Then ofcourse, it could be that, while he thought he could shift to a friendship and make that work, maybe thats not beennthe case and the distance is a result.

It's an unpleasant reality that sometimes, while we have the best intentions and hopes, we can't adjust, or don't realise that we never really wanted to.

Could he have suggested or agreed to this platonic shift, perhaps hoping you'd fight for it abit more? May be that he sees your agreement as a form of rejection or giving up that just doesn't sit right with him?

What are your thoughts?
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Re: Platonic friendship after dating? Need advice

Unread postby PopTart » 3 January 2019, 23:11

Also, is the guy in the US or UK? Because distance could be a huge factor, it's hard to maintain a real friendship over international borders.
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Re: Platonic friendship after dating? Need advice

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 4 January 2019, 11:00

I think it would not be like to pester him, if you'd just ask carefully, what's on his mind at time, since he wasn't as talkative as he was before. He'd know you care, and it might be something he didn't want to bother with, that's concerning random matters or such, and kept him occupied a bit.

To add to all the things PopTart said, there could be a lot of reasons and they don't need to be of worry.

Too, I think, if there was another development in his life while you were abroad, he'll eventually come around and tell you. Any true friend would do so.
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