Please help, is girlfriend gay?

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Please help, is girlfriend gay?

Unread postby celeste21 » 23 November 2021, 11:50

deleted but thank you
Last edited by celeste21 on 24 November 2021, 17:42, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Please help, is girlfriend gay?

Unread postby pozzie » 23 November 2021, 21:35

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Re: Please help, is girlfriend gay?

Unread postby PopTart » 24 November 2021, 05:48

There is clearly some disconnect in your relationship that would benefit from better communication.

Are you happy in your relationship?
Are you both together because... you're both together?
Have you spoken to her about how you feel?
Have you got friends you might canvas, to see if they have noticed any of the odd behaviour you believe you have seen?
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Re: Please help, is girlfriend gay?

Unread postby celeste21 » 24 November 2021, 10:06

deleted but thank you
Last edited by celeste21 on 24 November 2021, 17:42, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Please help, is girlfriend gay?

Unread postby PopTart » 24 November 2021, 17:05

Truth is, no-one here is going to be able to tell you if your girlfriend is or is not gay.

While on the surface, some of her behaviour might suggest such, there could be many other rational, readily explainable reasons she behaves as she does, which have nothing to do with who she is attracted to. She is already openly bisexual. There isn't a big difference between being attracted to men and women and being attracted to women exclusively, in realistic terms.

I think what you might benefit from, is taking a step back and re-reading what you, yourself have written.

The reason I say that, is because I believe that the underlying issues in your relationship, seem to have less to do with her sexuality and more to do with more fundamental things.

You don't communicate very well at all, from your account, attempts to communicate by you, are often dismissed or rebuffed, by your girlfriend. This is a huge problem. A couple that doesn't communicate can have alot of issues go undiscussed and unresolved. Worse those unresolved issues can lead to festering resentments, wild speculation and general confusion, as you are discovering.

There is also the fact that you don't seem to know your partner very well, you do alot of "infilling" about her motivations and thinking, rather than talking about things, as she has shared and expressed them to you. That is a concern.

You also both seem quite co-dependant, primarily as you each have small circles of friends, with whom you each only spend short intervals of time (you make it seem like seeing these friends is an issue for both of you, she takes issue if your seeing your friends and I'm going to venture a guess, that your own suspicions about her sexuality and her past relationships, makes you guarded about her spending time with her friends?)

This kind of reliance on only one person for all of you emotional and social needs, often places a greater emphasis on maintaining a relationship, even when it becomes undesirable or unhealthy to do so.

Do you love your girlfriend?

Are you happy in your relationship as it is now?

You can love someone and be unhappy in a relationship, but conversely, you can be comfortable in a relationship, without really acknowledging that you don't love them. Being together out of habit is not unheard of.

Is that what is happening here?

How do you feel about tye relationship in general? Do you see a future in it, if it doesn't change? Do you want to change things and make it work and how much effort are you willing to put in, taking into consideration that your girlfriend might not want things to change?

I know that's alot of questions that seem not to have much to do with your original question, but truth is, your original question, I feel is more about addressing a symptom of wider problems, rather than the root cause itself.
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