Please help, relationship advice needed

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Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby KyleSexyBoy » 31 December 2018, 05:49

Hi

I need some advice on whether my boyfriends behaviour constitutes as inappropriate/cheating in your own perspective.

The story is that I've found messages on his phone to a boy called Jack, he's been friends with jack for about 2 years I think (although I'm not sure because I think I only began hearing about the friendship months after it had developed).

Sooner or later, he began to talk more and more about Jack and I ended up following him on twitter. Silly mistake on my part because I find his behaviour to bit attention seeker-ish and that's fine, obviously that's just an opinion, but he threw a BDSM themed party, he tweets about waking up at random guys houses, accidentally leaving his boxers there and various other things that personally I just find a bit slutty/attention seeker-ish. Again I must point out, this isn't the problem, I'm a live and let live person, I can't expect people to behave a certain way. But it use to bother me that my boyfriend would want to put himself in that environment and be friends with someone like that, i probably thought that then because I was scared it would influence him/lead him astray. But again, I was wrong for thinking that, I don't expect to dictate who he likes/hangs around with. I have to put enough trust in him that he would make the right decisions.

But, I then found he was going to parties, for lunches etc with Jack and he wasn't telling me. On one or two occasion he even lied about where he was even though I could see from his snapchat location where he was.

We had a bit of an argument about it. I asked him if anything had happened. I asked him if he liked Jack as more than just a friend. He promised me there wasn't anything going on, he didn't feel that way about him and nothing untoward has happened. I tried to be mature about it and let it go. Again, I've gotta trust him to make the right decisions.

Anyways, Jack moved to Leeds and part of me, whether right or wrong thought, brilliant. Problem solved.

But I stupidly opened our shared laptop to do some work and the message on the screen was from Jack, asking if he was still coming down to Leeds this Tuesday. Darren has told me hes going to work in Manchester from Tuesday-Friday and I know he only plans on going for lunch/an evening or whatever. But it really annoyed me that he failed to mention that to me. Why hide where you're going?

So, I broke and ended up reading the other messages between him and Jack. The majority of which is safe, but there's stuff in there where I can't decide if it's a step too far. Darren (my bf) has sent him a photo of him lying on the floor wearing nothing but boxers, he's (my bf) told him his ass looks unreal in *those* skinny jeans and then goes on to say he's glad he fell asleep before he said too much, my bf goes on about how good his smile makes him feel, he messages saying that he got wrong of Chris on a night out coz he (my bf) had been flirting with Jack. And part of me wondered if this was everything, because it's obvious that he's deleted messages - he even deleted jacks messages right in front of me once. It also really bothers me that she's spoken about one or two things of my own life that I would consider private. I don't know this Jack. Why should he know my business??

Anyways, that's the majority of it. I know he's going to meet Jack on Tuesday (but he doesn't know I know) and he hasn't told me, which I kind of understand because my initial impression of him wasn't great and I expressed that which was unfair I suppose because who am I to expect certain behaviours, but the messages have bothered me and compounding that with the fact he's going to meet him, and kept it quiet, it's got me asking; is this too far? I'm really tempted to message him on Tuesday asking what he's up to/what's Leeds like etc. to see whether he lies about his whereabouts. But I kind of think that might be too far on my part? I don't know what to think because I want to keep him happy, but I don't want to be made a fool of.

Do the messages/half naked snapchats/fact he's going to meet him and failing to tell me about it take it too far? Or is it just me?

I really do appreciate any advice because I try really hard to be fair/understanding in situations. I'm not a psycho boyfriend, I love him bits and I never want to stop him from doing anything he wants to do. I try and encourage any kind of social activity he wants to go to because I know socialising for him helps him unwind/betters his mental well being. But this is bothering me and I don't know why?

Am I being crazy?

Thanks in advance folks! Much appreciated!
KyleSexyBoy
 
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby mxguy01 » 31 December 2018, 06:52

I'd agree with your concern. Given what you say he has no reason to hide it from you even if he really want to be just friends this this other guy. If it were me I would outright confront him on the matter - forcing the conversation to be had fully by both parties involved. And yes if you two consider each other "partners" and monogamous then sending half naked selfies is inappropriate behavior.
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby KyleSexyBoy » 5 January 2019, 05:28

I tried talking to him about it, but he just got mad and walked out the room.
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby Aunty Eva » 7 January 2019, 12:08

Hi Kyle

It is a difficult situation as he may feel you don't trust him. However, his action is causing you to doubt his loyalties and walking out of a conversation about it really isn't helping his situation. If this was me, I would end the relationship at this point. I would not be in a relationship where trust is broken. Without trust, there is always going to be tension and questions about his behavior and you won't ever truly feel comfortable.

As hard as the situation is, you need to look after yourself and your own mental health.

Kind Regards

Kyle Hussey
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby KyleSexyBoy » 8 January 2019, 03:37

Aunty Eva wrote:Hi Kyle

It is a difficult situation as he may feel you don't trust him. However, his action is causing you to doubt his loyalties and walking out of a conversation about it really isn't helping his situation. If this was me, I would end the relationship at this point. I would not be in a relationship where trust is broken. Without trust, there is always going to be tension and questions about his behavior and you won't ever truly feel comfortable.

As hard as the situation is, you need to look after yourself and your own mental health.

Kind Regards

Kyle Hussey


Well I have a reason not to trust him as actions are causing me to doubt his loyalty as I have been loyal to him the entire relationship. I broke up with him last night and he said fine, f-you then kicked me in the nuts and left my house
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby Aunty Eva » 8 January 2019, 16:15

I'm sorry dude but by the sound of it. You're better off without him. He sounds overly childish and not willing to work on a relationship. His whole reaction cries cheat to me. If he had done nothing wrong he would have wanted to fight for you and argued to stay in the relationship.
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby mxguy01 » 8 January 2019, 16:52

KyleSexyBoy wrote:Well I have a reason not to trust him as actions are causing me to doubt his loyalty as I have been loyal to him the entire relationship. I broke up with him last night and he said fine, f-you then kicked me in the nuts and left my house


Honestly I would have then gone for breaking his nose. Since he threw the first punch so to speak I would have felt free to retaliate in kind.
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby KyleSexyBoy » 8 January 2019, 22:59

@Aunty Eva: Yeah your totally right I would be better without him.

@mxguy101: I did punch him in the stomach.
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PostThis post was deleted by BlackBoi666 on 9 January 2019, 00:27.

Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby BlackBoi666 » 9 January 2019, 00:32

I'm glad you broke up with him. being single is so much better. so should try hook-ups, to cure your pain.
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby KyleSexyBoy » 9 January 2019, 00:36

BlackBoi666 wrote:I'm glad you broke up with him. being single is so much better. so should try hook-ups, to cure your pain.


I am too and maybe I should try hook-ups to help cope with the pain of breaking up.
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PostThis post was deleted by KyleSexyBoy on 9 January 2019, 00:37.

Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby mxguy01 » 9 January 2019, 17:12

KyleSexyBoy wrote:
BlackBoi666 wrote:I'm glad you broke up with him. being single is so much better. so should try hook-ups, to cure your pain.


I am too and maybe I should try hook-ups to help cope with the pain of breaking up.


That doesn't work.
Last edited by mxguy01 on 9 January 2019, 17:27, edited 1 time in total.
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I love to travel but hate to arrive -- Albert Einstein
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It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. ~~ Chinese fortune cookie
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby Aunty Eva » 9 January 2019, 17:14

Agree hooking up doesn't really work. It gives you instant gratification but leaves you feeling alone and empty when they leave. Making you crave more. I can't say I don't do NSA Hookups we are all human and have needs. But remember its not a sustainable life model.
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Re: Please help, relationship advice needed

Unread postby KyleSexyBoy » 10 January 2019, 00:58

I think for me I'll stay single until I can find a good way to get into a relationship.
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