Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

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Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Tommyboi » 13 February 2021, 06:25

I(23) was intimate with a married man, who is older should that make any difference, because their wife hasn’t been willing to for the last year.

I’m having somewhat of a moral conundrum, I did know of his marriage, but also that they have drifted apart since being married for 13 years. Their loss of intimacy isn’t all about sex, they may as well be roommates as the marriage doesn’t seem like it’s really there anymore.

I am just looking to hear what the thoughts of others are on what I’ve done. I’m expecting it to be controversial, but if it happens to be the opposite, that would also be settling to hear. I just needed to get this out of my head.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Jzone » 13 February 2021, 07:46

Marriage is a commitment. If he is ready to end that, or they agree on an open marriage, you are morally ok. Otherwise, you need to seriously consider your involvement in their relationship. I'm not judging right or wrong, but keep your eyes open.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Tommyboi » 13 February 2021, 08:44

I don’t plan on continuing our relationship on any level.(Friends nor sexual). They are a member of a club(bar) that I witnessed their obvious loss of intimacy towards one another. We spoke about it one night and he mentioned how it was sexless and how he would benefit mentally just through sexual pleasure.(He had previously mentioned their romance had dwindled after he said to his wife he was interested in having an experience with another male.)

I’m sure the alcohol influenced my decision of asking him if I could help him settle his wish for sexual relief. However I’m not saying that excuses what I had done.

I’m not sure if they plan to continue their marriage or how a one time thing could heal anything between them. He may continue to search outside his marriage for sex, however it won’t be from me.

I won’t allow myself to knowingly interfere with any relationship, let alone a marriage, in the future. Honestly not entirely sure why I posted or what I hoped to gain by posting, other than the fact I have no one to share this with in my life and wanted outside criticism.

Appreciate the response.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Jzone » 13 February 2021, 09:25

Tommyboi wrote:I won’t allow myself to knowingly interfere with any relationship, let alone a marriage, in the future. Honestly not entirely sure why I posted or what I hoped to gain by posting, other than the fact I have no one to share this with in my life and wanted outside criticism.

That is more than enough reason to post here. It is a good idea to share and get other perspectives.

Do not beat yourself up over this incident. The other (more mature) guy invited you into the situation. Maybe he took advantage of your youth and inexperience. Maybe you took advantage of his age and dissatisfaction at home. Live and learn. It may have been a good thing for him to explore sex with a man, and help him clarify his relationship or move on. You know more about yourself and where you are willing to go. That is a good thing.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby richardjohnstone0683 » 14 February 2021, 16:08

Did you post on here for your own moral justification? Sometimes people need another person's approval. Truth is: where do you lean? Don't be a homewrecker, but if he wants a little side action with you then that might actually save his marriage!
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Brenden » 14 February 2021, 16:16

richardjohnstone0683 wrote:Don't be a homewrecker, but if he wants a little side action with you then that might actually save his marriage!

Oh yes, what good marriage hasn't been saved by cheating‽
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Marmaduke » 14 February 2021, 16:28

You seduced a man you knew to be married. You knew it was wrong, if you thought it was right you wouldn’t have asked. Stop being a shit stick.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Severelius » 14 February 2021, 16:54

Marmaduke wrote:You seduced a man you knew to be married. You knew it was wrong, if you thought it was right you wouldn’t have asked. Stop being a shit stick.

Yeah I'm going to be joining in on the voices saying this is a very wrong thing to be involved in.

And I speak as someone who has basically been in this same kind of situation and deeply regrets my part in it.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby OutsideIn » 14 February 2021, 23:11

I think you already knew the answer before you posted here. Hopefully you feel some remorse about it and aren't a complete sociopath.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby PanicP » 15 February 2021, 13:59

I have been in this situation and it’s not nice.
I would like to say I was naive, but I think I was in love.
This man had been ‘separate’ from his wife for 2 years, still lived together and slept in different beds, lived separate lives. He told me what I wanted to hear. Did I believe him, yes I did. Until one day, I didn’t.
This man was a serial cheater. He has already lining new guys while we were still meeting, he knew exactly what to do and what to say.
In the end he cat-fished me, confronted me about talking to other guys and used it against be as an excuse to stop talking even though he was doing the same.

Please don’t hate yourself or feel guilty. We live and learn! We trust people because we are nice. If someone chooses to use that against us, shame on them.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 15 February 2021, 17:58

I just think it's wrong, since you did not pay respects to their relationship. No matter, how poor it was or might have seemed to be.
Different thing, if the guy had done the action to innitiate that, but you said, you did.

Morally wrong, well, that depends on what a code of moral you would base on, I guess. This may differ from place to culture.

I guess it would be a different thing, if someone threatens or hurts their partner, and one would need to help.
Aid for survival comes above respects for their relationship, then. Still, in other cultures they would say, it's not my problem, and look the other way.

Might be you just wanted to give comfort in a certain way, and you weren't sure as to how far you may take it.

There are different ways of how to interpret this. My own thoughts are entirely theoretical, never been close to a similar situation. I already encounter inner conflicts on giving comerade-ish comfort to some dude who's wife just died, since they're straight. It should be their close friends to give the comforts. Many of those are infected, so he must go through his loss with no comfort.
Well, many have to. Life can be cruel just by itsself.
Now I lost the topic. :shake:
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby curi83 » 20 February 2021, 17:14

Im going to catch it for this and we all know two wrongs or multiple ones dont make any rights but theres more. It has been pointed out here before marriage is a commitment. Yes it is, and it goes both ways. It is very sad when this situation happens in a marriage for a woman to cut off her husband for whatever reason knowing full well the situation this places them both in where sex is concerned imo isnt necessarily "right" either. As to your question no, i dont think it is "right" but there are more wrongs in the situation than just yours. Everybody involved has contributed. In the real world good guys are not "good" all the time and vize versa. Learn from it and move on before the thing comes to a head.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Ballparkdogg » 9 June 2021, 06:31

nothing wrong with it.. have fun and don't pay attention to everyone else.
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Kibranoz » 9 June 2021, 22:48

You do you, but maybe you should try to have him divorce
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Re: Pleasing a married man whose wife won’t anymore, is it wrong?

Unread postby Yeskat » 10 June 2021, 05:36

Jzone wrote:Marriage is a commitment. If he is ready to end that, or they agree on an open marriage, you are morally ok. Otherwise, you need to seriously consider your involvement in their relationship. I'm not judging right or wrong, but keep your eyes open.


Yup, in some countries you can be sued for breaking up a marriage or get caught up in the divorce legal preceding's. Definitely not worth the protentional headaches.
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