Premature Ejaculation - the gay man's worst nightmare

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Premature Ejaculation - the gay man's worst nightmare

Unread postby KyVareberg » 23 June 2020, 15:43

Hi all - My boyfriend and I started dating in December and, initially, everything was great. The sex life was not sensational, but it was good.

Last night, however, and in keeping with a recent trend, my boyfriend came before we really even got started. (Think in and done.) It had been several weeks since we've had a chance to do anything, so it wasn't a shock, but still a disappointment.

I think he's in his head about this. His past bf cheated on him; last night, he told me he knows I'm not sexually satisfied. It changed his entire demeanor.

The problem - I am NOT being satisfied. But I know I can't show that to him. But I don't know what to do. I have looked into stuff on premature ejaculation and I have bought the numbing creams and other products which should help, but none are. And because each time has been getting shorter, he is punishing himself.

Has anyone else 1) experienced anything like this, 2) discovered a way to help your bf get out of his head about it, and 3) keep yourself from continuing to become sexually unsatisfied?

Appreciate your help!
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Re: Premature Ejaculation - the gay man's worst nightmare

Unread postby ThatNomad » 23 June 2020, 16:24

I want to address one specific thing here right off the bad. You say you are NOT being satisfied, but that you know you can't show that to him. You absolutely can, and should. Your needs and feelings are valid, and need to be addressed. Not to mention that unless he's made aware of the situation there is absolutely no way the two of you can begin to work on addressing it.

Now, to answer your questions:

No. 1: Yes, on both sides of the situation, because sometimes it happens. Sometimes for reasons like "being in your head" and sometimes it doesn't seem to have a cause at all.
No. 2: Yes, we sat down and talked about it like rational adults.
No. 3: Yes, by having said discussion we were able to find ways to explore different avenues of sex and make sure both of us were completely satisfied sexually. Doing so actually helped to work through the "problem", and it sort of went away.

My point is, unless you are both willing and able to discuss situations as they come up you are never going to be able to resolve anything that comes up. You've got to communicate, and you've got to be open to him doing the same so that you can discover what's causing the issue and rectify it.
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Re: Premature Ejaculation - the gay man's worst nightmare

Unread postby René » 23 June 2020, 21:30

I have not experienced this problem. (My problem is more the opposite — I have so far not managed to cum inside of a guy at all. But then, I am new to topping :P)

But I do know of a possible solution! I use this alcohol substitute called phenibut. It's legally available online, sold as a "supplement". In some parts of the world, it's used as a prescription medication, so it's gone through safety testing and stuff.
I get it here. (Nootropics Depot is a famously reliable vendor; use discount code REDDITS for 10% off.)
It lowers your inhibitions, can make you giggly etc., but is waaay safer than alcohol physically. It's non-toxic and doesn't dehydrate you or cause hangovers the way alcohol does. It is potentially addictive like alcohol is, though. It's nice to use together with others (but only others you trust — which also applies to alcohol IMO). Can be a lot of fun.
Unlike alcohol, it doesn't cause erectile dysfunction. But I have heard from many people (and witnessed myself) that it can make guys last a LOT longer.
On one occasion my husband and I had sex for several hours straight after taking it.

Be sure to check out the link and safety warnings further down this post.

Here is an experience report someone posted online (underline mine):

Phenibut and Premature Ejaculation

I've been in search for a way to help deal with my PE issues and have tried a variety of things with varying degrees of success. I stumbled across a post from another user detailing his experience using Phenibut as a means of controlling their PE issue and was instantly interested. Of course with any new drug, I made sure to do as much internet research as possible. I purchased Phenibut FAA from Liftmode, and I weighed out 1g for my first time and made sure to consume it on an empty stomach. 8 hours later, I put this new drug to the test in the bedroom.

Success.

It was an amazing feeling breaking into the double digit realm when I had never lasted longer than 5 minutes.
I would build up to the initial feelings of orgasm, but it never pushed past that point like it normally does. 25 minutes later and everyone was happy.

I'll continue to test this drug in a variety of different ways. I want to see how long the orgasm delaying effect lasts, how fast the effects begin after taking the drug, and various dosage amounts at different times. I'll continue to assess my tolerance of the drug on a twice a week usage schedule as well.

So far though, I am a happy man. And that's not just because this drug also gives me a low dose MDMA style euphoric feel in addition to the orgasm delaying power.

Read this guide to using it first.

Crucially, limit use to no more than 2 days a week (spread out), ideally no more than 1 day a week or even less frequently. You really don't want to become dependent on this stuff, because getting off it is said to be very difficult and unpleasant. But otherwise it's very safe.
Experiment to see how much you need, between 250 and 2000 mg at a time (that's 1 to 8 of the capsules from Nootropics Depot). Never take more than 2000 mg in any one day.
Note it takes a few hours to kick in and works best on an empty stomach. And it lasts for ages, with after-effects of up to 36 hours (you'll sleep great the following night and probably feel pretty good the next day too). If you want it to work in the evening, take it in the afternoon.
Do not combine with alcohol.

Failing that, I know doctors have at least one FDA-approved medication they can prescribe for premature ejaculation. I have no idea how well it works or if it has side effects. I'd try phenibut first.

Hope this helps your boyfriend and you! :hug:
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Re: Premature Ejaculation - the gay man's worst nightmare

Unread postby 21-79BB! » 17 June 2022, 18:47

I agree with the need for the two of you to talk candidly (AND kindly) about this, and enjoy working together on a pleasurable solution. Have you heard of the "Squeeze" technique? Have your partner lie back comfortably while you take your time sensuously stroking his shaft to full erection. Ask him at this point to tell you when he is about ready to cum. When he says he's near cumming, gently squeeze his swollen glans with your thumb and forefinger. Have your thumb on top, with the forefinger on that central, sensitive area on the underside. At the same time, your partner needs to do a strong Kegel Squeeze. Your partner will experience strong, full-body orgasmic sensations, but will NOT cum! And since he has not cum, there is no refractory period. Let him enjoy the afterglow of his orgasm. Sensuouslly massage his belly and finger his bellybutton. (You may trigger a great, full-body navelgasm.) His hardon may worth some, so just begun the process over. As long as he doesn't cum, you can repeat this as much as he wants for multiple orgasms. When he is ready to cum, have him tel you, then just stroke away until he blasts his jets of jism! You can enjoy performing this on each other. For fellatio, you can use your lips in a manner similar to the thumb and forefinger, with him doing a strong Kegel before cumming. For anal sex, the Kegel should do the trick. Let us know how things go!
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Re: Premature Ejaculation - the gay man's worst nightmare

Unread postby otterwyse joccupied » 18 June 2022, 18:26

Just a thought. My first question to you: Is the chemistry there? If not, you need to be honest enough to face it and go from there. I failed big time to do that. We built a life together, pretending that, since we loved each other, the less-than great sex was good enough. I regret it, because we stayed together building up resentments for many years, sex-less and unfulfilled.
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