Should I Download Dating Apps Again

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Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby littlebat » 4 November 2018, 04:05

Hi. Been single for 4 years. Downloaded some dating Apps after the broke-up, deleted all of them in a short time. Have almost no gay friends. I find it impossible to even know a good gay guy, let alone a boyfriend.

Positives:

-it's probably the only way I have to meet gay guys now (gay bars, sauna & events are even more sex-based in my country)

Negatives:

-you decide to talk to people mostly only by their looks, which makes the relationships shallow
-having these Apps might make people think you're not looking for a stable relationship (even after you deleted all of them when you started dating)

Any thoughts?
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 4 November 2018, 06:11

I mean, the problem with being gay is that we’re a tiny minority with an inconspicuous orientation that is stigmatized by society. As a consequence, you typically can’t just flirt with any random person at a coffee shop, bookstore, etc. like a heterosexual would so we’re usually limited to meeting people at sleazy venues like gay bars or clubs or through hookup apps. Some people just have really good luck, like this forum’s admins; they found each other by one creating the forum and the other joining, finding common interests, messaging each other through now-defunct instant messaging apps and later marrying. The rest of us are confined to glory hole encounters at airports à la Republican congressmen. On the upside we’re well dressed while doing so.

More seriously though, I would just make the best of this. For the most part, apart from online venues like these, many people (probably most) initially meet each other for shallow reasons and later get to know each other on a deeper level. It’s a process of elimination until you find someone adequately on the same channel as you. So I wouldn't limit myself from meeting someone on a sleazy hookup app if I were you. Dan Savage met his husband Terry at the back of a bar, if my memory serves me, and they have a long lasting marriage with an adopted kid. Sometimes the best relationships start off in sleazy settings. I think a Helix Studios porn star met his boyfriend on set and the relationship lasted about 4 years or so—certainly longer than most relationships I’ve encountered. So give it a shot, I say.
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby littlebat » 4 November 2018, 07:04

Ok I'm downloading
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 4 November 2018, 08:31

Be expecting a lot of messages by guys looking to just hook up—that’s what the app is known for after all—but don’t let that discourage you.
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby netflix_n_chill » 4 November 2018, 10:32

I don't know if other successfully find a bf on these apps but just give it a go. I actually met this guy on Grindr in 2015 and he's now one of my best friend. Just make sure you fill in the profile with a little about yourself and what you are looking for, that would filter out the people who look for hookups.

And it's never a bad thing to expand your friend circles and network with more people in real life. Who knows if a friend of a friend might be the prince charming you're looking for lol. Sometimes you just have to get yourself out there, it gives you more opportunities and possibilities to meet the right guy.
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby littlebat » 5 November 2018, 12:01

poolerboy0077 wrote:Be expecting a lot of messages by guys looking to just hook up—that’s what the app is known for after all—but don’t let that discourage you.

I'll tell them "no sex" immediately

P.S. just told one
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby littlebat » 5 November 2018, 12:14

netflix_n_chill wrote:I don't know if other successfully find a bf on these apps but just give it a go. I actually met this guy on Grindr in 2015 and he's now one of my best friend. Just make sure you fill in the profile with a little about yourself and what you are looking for, that would filter out the people who look for hookups.

And it's never a bad thing to expand your friend circles and network with more people in real life. Who knows if a friend of a friend might be the prince charming you're looking for lol. Sometimes you just have to get yourself out there, it gives you more opportunities and possibilities to meet the right guy.

Yes! I mentioned "Sex cannot satisfy the soul, only love can." in my profile. Hope I can make some friends or even a date who feel the same!
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby Felice » 5 November 2018, 13:42

littlebat wrote:
poolerboy0077 wrote:Be expecting a lot of messages by guys looking to just hook up—that’s what the app is known for after all—but don’t let that discourage you.

I'll tell them "no sex" immediately

P.S. just told one


I always tell them that ... then 20 mins in or the next day they get angry and start shouting why don't i want to get naked or sex cam with them ....and mostly that do are straight ????
I mean really i have no idea what's with my luck, but the men i met online had some SERIOUS issues .
The thing that i always do is to expect nothing ..and open myself to rejection.... Cuz most of the men i liked don't feel the same about me.
you won't find me here i'm deleting my account .
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby Satsuma » 5 November 2018, 14:04

Felice wrote:I always tell them that ... then 20 mins in or the next day they get angry and start shouting why don't i want to get naked or sex cam with them ....and mostly that do are straight ????
I mean really i have no idea what's with my luck, but the men i met online had some SERIOUS issues .
The thing that i always do is to expect nothing ..and open myself to rejection.... Cuz most of the men i liked don't feel the same about me.


Maybe it depends on what sites you're using of where you're looking? Honestly that kind of behaviour is NOT okay. I wonder why you've run into so many creeps? :(

Honestly there's so many decent men out there. I wouldn't give up. I hope you meet someone who cares about you soon Felice.

But yeah, I think it depends on the dating app and you need to be like really explicit you're not just in it for a hookup or anything like that. You may get some creeps but that should filter out a lot of them I'd hope. Like 90% of the guys who've approached me on one site I ignore, and the only one I'm having a conversation with is one I just messaged 'cos I liked their profile pic which was a cute little drawing.

Maybe don't focus on love right away but the friendship part and on seeing what happens? Sometimes things have to sort of grow naturally you know?

Not that I'd know anything about love or serious relationships, but yeah that's just my take on this. I hope I can help a tiny bit, and if not please ignore me! :keke:
Formerly Zoop C=^-^=
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby Felice » 5 November 2018, 14:31

Zoop wrote:Maybe it depends on what sites you're using of where you're looking? Honestly that kind of behaviour is NOT okay. I wonder why you've run into so many creeps? :(

Honestly there's so many decent men out there. I wouldn't give up. I hope you meet someone who cares about you soon Felice.


Oh no zoop trust me ,I didn't give up at all and i know that there are decent men out there.
It's just dating and searching can be tough at times and can be easy sometimes. it's just depends on what you want and what you are looking for.
When i say open myself to rejection ,I meant that I may find what i'm looking for ...But it's not for me to take or meant to be mine ,Or that the man that i like don't feel the same about me ..or i may not be his type or he is not attracted to me ..And i'm ok with that really , I don't want to be the second choice .
^_^
you won't find me here i'm deleting my account .
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby Eryx » 5 November 2018, 15:47

Tinder is pretty good for relationships, no?
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby poolerboy0077 » 6 November 2018, 02:18

Felice wrote:I always tell them that ... then 20 mins in or the next day they get angry and start shouting why don't i want to get naked or sex cam with them ....and mostly that do are straight ????

Image
Blow: "Nowadays even Liam can release an album of his screechy vocals and it'll probably go #1..."
Ramzus: I can admit that I'm horny just about 24/7
homomorphism: I used to not think your name was deshay and that Erick was just being racist
Hunter: sometimes I think I was literally born to be a pornstar
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby Felice » 6 November 2018, 04:14

poolerboy0077 wrote:
Felice wrote:I always tell them that ... then 20 mins in or the next day they get angry and start shouting why don't i want to get naked or sex cam with them ....and mostly that do are straight ????

Image

:lol: .. i don't get it , But the gif made me laugh.
i just hope you are not making fun of me lol
you won't find me here i'm deleting my account .
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PostThis post was deleted by René on 6 November 2018, 13:19.
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby Eryx » 6 November 2018, 15:08

Maybe you're going about this all wrong. All of my relationships were out of occasion. The first one was a guy I made subtitles with online, I went to Rio to visit another friend, they knew each other and we bonded. We were together exclusively for a week and after that we didn't want to split up, so I coordinated my plans in a way that they aligned with me moving to Rio. Soon enough we were living together.

Second one was using an app, but the first time we met was just for drinking beer and having sex later. We started dating because we kept wanting to see each other and talk more. The sex actually brought us together and later on our personalities meshed really well.

Third one was a friend of a friend, I got invited to his house for dinner and videogames and we hooked up. The next weekend I went over to his place on my own and things started happening. Also didn't have to hold up for that, we just clicked.

Fourth was my previous boss at a job I left. We were friends for eight months and as soon as I submitted my resignation, we went out for drinks and he kissed me. I knew he was gay, but I thought he was out of my league and never even considered the fact that he could be attracted to me.

In summary, I've basically always used the apps for sex, and people I dated just showed up. In-between those relationships, there were a few occasions where I'd feel lonely and want a boyfriend, but I analyzed my behavior and noticed that it wasn't because I was ready to date, it was just because I was feeling needy and wanted someone to share my worries with.

After this last relationship I had a few days of crying and rolling in bed, but went back to the mindset that I need to think about my plans, my future, my savings, my health (mental and physical) and how I deal with friends and family. Putting energy on actively seeking people seems like something I shouldn't be doing, and won't need to do if all the areas of my own self are well preserved and developed.

Interestingly enough, when I was a pre-teen there was this girl friend of mine that was really nice to me, so I decided to tell everyone in our little group of friends that I was in love with her, so that I could say I was in love with someone (everyone was developing feelings and learning about masturbation and I still didn't understand what was different about me). She started dating another friend of ours and I said I was frustrated that there wasn't anyone for me. She just said, "These things just happen. The more you think about it, the more desperate you get and the more nothing happens. When you focus on other stuff, before you notice you'll be getting closer to someone and things will just go from there." That never left my mind.

So yeah, it's something I go by: the less I think about how much I want to date someone, the more different prospects simply show up. And for the most part, that's exactly what happened throughout my life.
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby littlebat » 10 November 2018, 08:45

Eryx wrote:Maybe you're going about this all wrong. All of my relationships were out of occasion. The first one was a guy I made subtitles with online, I went to Rio to visit another friend, they knew each other and we bonded. We were together exclusively for a week and after that we didn't want to split up, so I coordinated my plans in a way that they aligned with me moving to Rio. Soon enough we were living together.

Second one was using an app, but the first time we met was just for drinking beer and having sex later. We started dating because we kept wanting to see each other and talk more. The sex actually brought us together and later on our personalities meshed really well.

Third one was a friend of a friend, I got invited to his house for dinner and videogames and we hooked up. The next weekend I went over to his place on my own and things started happening. Also didn't have to hold up for that, we just clicked.

Fourth was my previous boss at a job I left. We were friends for eight months and as soon as I submitted my resignation, we went out for drinks and he kissed me. I knew he was gay, but I thought he was out of my league and never even considered the fact that he could be attracted to me.

In summary, I've basically always used the apps for sex, and people I dated just showed up. In-between those relationships, there were a few occasions where I'd feel lonely and want a boyfriend, but I analyzed my behavior and noticed that it wasn't because I was ready to date, it was just because I was feeling needy and wanted someone to share my worries with.

After this last relationship I had a few days of crying and rolling in bed, but went back to the mindset that I need to think about my plans, my future, my savings, my health (mental and physical) and how I deal with friends and family. Putting energy on actively seeking people seems like something I shouldn't be doing, and won't need to do if all the areas of my own self are well preserved and developed.

Interestingly enough, when I was a pre-teen there was this girl friend of mine that was really nice to me, so I decided to tell everyone in our little group of friends that I was in love with her, so that I could say I was in love with someone (everyone was developing feelings and learning about masturbation and I still didn't understand what was different about me). She started dating another friend of ours and I said I was frustrated that there wasn't anyone for me. She just said, "These things just happen. The more you think about it, the more desperate you get and the more nothing happens. When you focus on other stuff, before you notice you'll be getting closer to someone and things will just go from there." That never left my mind.

So yeah, it's something I go by: the less I think about how much I want to date someone, the more different prospects simply show up. And for the most part, that's exactly what happened throughout my life.

Ya. Sometimes you gotta stop trying to start trying.
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby PopTart » 10 November 2018, 09:55

I think absolutely what Eryx has said and said very well I might add.

It can be all too easy to see the "hunt" for a boyfriend as an objective to achieve, that once achieved will result in all the problems we face, not being problems anymore.

It doesn't really work that way I think.

Felice, I don't think Pooler is taking the piss out of you, but perhaps, suggesting with his aweome Gif, that you can't really expect a man who self identifies as straight on a gay hook-up app, to want a meaningful relationship with another man!
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby netflix_n_chill » 10 November 2018, 11:05

Just meet people for the sake of meeting people, then what's coming will come. Don't think too much about finding a bf, you know what they say love comes when you least expect it. ;)
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby Eric20,, » 10 November 2018, 12:47

netflix_n_chill wrote:Just meet people for the sake of meeting people, then what's coming will come. Don't think too much about finding a bf, you know what they say love comes when you least expect it. ;)



You are right, met my bf on tinder when i was planning to delete the app. He came along last minute and we are together for 10 months now.
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Re: Should I Download Dating Apps Again

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 10 November 2018, 15:46

I had my first serious relationship off of Tinder.

What's to lose I guess? Try it. Worst case scenario, you have some mediocre dates and some shitty 10 minute sex in a hotel room somewhere...

Maybe something better could come of it though. Just be safe and use good judgment when going to meet guys.

From what I've seen, most gay men on Grindr are on there for sex, and I agree with what others said it's very visual and all about looks for that reason. Men are in general, gay or straight, we're shallow superficial beings and we care about looks.

Tinder is somewhat better, although again that's very visual and all about looks.

Is it just me or are most of the gay couples I see exceptionally attractive? It's like the ugly-to-average gay men are trying so hard to score with a more attractive guy that they won't date eachother, then the attractive ones just get the pick of the litter.

Then the less attractive ones complain about how "the gay community is so shallow!", but so are you bew, you feel entitled to exceptionally attractive men when you don't put in the work at the gym to attract those men. Let's be real.

Anyway I'm going off on a tangent sorry.
Last edited by Yeauxleaux on 11 November 2018, 17:07, edited 1 time in total.
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