What's with the division of top vs bottom in gay relationships?

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What's with the division of top vs bottom in gay relationships?

Unread postby Gay-paul » 27 November 2018, 16:48

ass above :D
Last edited by Brenden on 28 November 2018, 18:32, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Corrected titlegore.
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Re: What's is with all the dynamism of top vs bottom in gay relationsh

Unread postby PopTart » 27 November 2018, 16:51

Sorry to say, but, your question isn't easy to grasp what exactly your getting at, perhaps, if you re-phrased it?
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Re: What's is with all the dynamism of top vs bottom in gay relationsh

Unread postby Victor_Laszlo » 27 November 2018, 18:01

Just what im interpreting but i believe he's asking why does it seem alot of relationships have a clear top and a clear bottom.

Which from an outside perspective i could see why some people would think that. But in reality most gay relationships are much more equal then that.

Let me know if i got that right gay-paul. :)
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Re: What's is with all the dynamism of top vs bottom in gay relationsh

Unread postby PopTart » 27 November 2018, 19:20

Well now, that makes some sense.

Yep, I agree with Simple_man. I will generally identify as a top, simply because I generally tend to top. That and I just don't fancy doing the whole "clean out" thing alot of the time. Also, can't accomodate too much ;)

But the truth is, I do enjoy getting topped, especially if it's with someone long term. I think it's alot of fun to swtich around and be able to enjoy all aspects of sex from each approach.

I do know that some people straight up don't like one or the other, but I've always suspected thats more due to lack of practice than anything else.
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Re: What's is with all the dynamism of top vs bottom in gay relationsh

Unread postby GearFetTwinkRomance » 27 November 2018, 21:11

So if one's dreams go on about caress and cuddles mainly, besides the gear fetishes, at what point would this considered to be top or bottom?

I never can tell. I think Top or bottom is for very sexual folks.
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Re: What's is with all the dynamism of top vs bottom in gay relationsh

Unread postby Yeauxleaux » 27 November 2018, 22:16

Tbh the overwhelming majority of gay men I've known are somewhat versatile, even if they lean more to one than the other. I don't see that many gays who are like STRICTLY one or the other (there are a fair number but they're certainly a minority, at least where I'm from)
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Re: What's is with all the dynamism of top vs bottom in gay relationsh

Unread postby Gay-paul » 28 November 2018, 13:02

Simple_Man wrote:Just what im interpreting but i believe he's asking why does it seem alot of relationships have a clear top and a clear bottom.

Which from an outside perspective i could see why some people would think that. But in reality most gay relationships are much more equal then that.

Let me know if i got that right gay-paul. :)


That's what I was thinking about, in gay porn movies, very often a strong muscular gay ass-fucking another gay who often looks more like a woman than a man.

To tell you the truth, I do not like porn with anal sex, but if I like it now, where the weaker gay fuck in the ass of that who seems to look like the stronger who rules, but the situation is the reverse :D
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Re: What's is with all the dynamism of top vs bottom in gay relationsh

Unread postby Victor_Laszlo » 28 November 2018, 17:56

Gay-paul wrote:To tell you the truth, I do not like porn with anal sex, but if I like it now, where the weaker gay fuck in the ass of that who seems to look like the stronger who rules, but the situation is the reverse :D



You ever see jake bass' porn? There's alot of that. :D. He has that skater look you like to. :P
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Re: What's with the division of top vs bottom in gay relationships?

Unread postby NobodySpecial » 29 November 2018, 04:51

I'm a top, but with ED I don't get to do it. It has nothing to do with not enough practice bottoming as I did plenty of that back in my early/mid 20's when I was naive and bought into the idea that you had to be hung to be a top. One guy told me -- big cocks glide, smaller cocks poke... Totally nonsense. There are hung tops, not-hung tops, hung bottoms, not so hung bottoms. Likewise, some confuse top with masculinity, manhood and bottom with less masculinity and some kind of submission/boyhoodness. Truth is men run the gamut. The last time I bottomed was like 1985 or 1986. With the AIDS crisis blooming at that time, I thought to myself why do something that I never liked in the first place. So I became authentic to myself and simply admitted what I like and don't like. I've never been that attracted to penises. When I see a penis I don't think of how it would feel in my hands, or mouth or ass. I simply think that it is too bad mine isn't like that so that I can go further into another man. I do love muscular, manly, hairy, handsome, bottom men. Now that means that I my pool of partners was a bit more restrictive when looking for a relationship. However, it is better to be honest up-front with who you are. Hand jobs and oral sex can be very pleasant, but they were never orgasmic to me. They were more about foreplay leading up to the ultimate. Porn that is strictly about penises (ie J/o shooting) do nothing for me. Very few oral porn vids do anything for me likewise. Likewise, in Anal scenes, if it is the big handsome guy is fucking someone less masculine, it doesn't do anything for me. I'd rather see a str8 vid where a handsome guy is getting pegged, then watch another alpha male fucking someone less masculine.

Some do use the term top/bottom to mean dominant and submissive. I suppose their can be an element of that, but not for all of us and definitely not all the time. I always wanted my partners to WANT me to be inside them because it was me -- not because I dominated them or because they craved anything up there -- it just so happened to be me available at the moment.

In my own life, my partner is more masculine than me. He loves fixing things -- something I'm not very good at. I suppose if we were really sociable over time people would assume that he was the top -- not because I'm sub or effeminate, but because he is just so strong in masculine interests and abilities compared to most men.

I wouldn't trade my partner for anybody or anything. I'm sad that my penis doesn't work. So I have to play with his backside with my fingers. While he can find it pleasant, we would both rather it be my cock.

So when you see a m2m relationship, you shouldn't assume anything about their sex life -- unless they are open to share it with you. Masculine/feminine scales, height scales, weight scales, age scales, etc do not necessarily correspond to what they do and don't do in the privacy of their own bedroom. Likewise, for some of us our proclivities can be rather hardwired. I had an inclining that I would love to be inside another man -- years before my first top experience at the age of about 23. Maybe I am a tiny bit domineering, but the main focus is to be one with another man. I've only felt that when I was inside a guy's ass. While orgasms that way are great, I was so turned on by the "connection" and the trust that a bottom gives you when he gives you permission to be inside him. I wish I could just stay hard and "rest" totally embedded in my guy. I also wish that it were possible to literally breed another man -- with all his beautiful attributes (physically, sexually, emotionally) minus any of my flaws. Being infertile has always bothered me more than being attracted to males. Creating life isn't in the cards for me.

I will close in stating that a bottom man may seem to some to be "less", but actually they are "more". Unless the top is a jerk, the bottom man calls the shots on when he is in the mood (or clean enough), how long he can take it, etc. Bottom men are the closest things to angels on earth. So if you are fortunate enough to find one, treat him like the king (not queen) that he really is. He can give you years of love as well as satisfaction.
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Re: What's with the division of top vs bottom in gay relationships?

Unread postby BlackBoi666 » 1 December 2018, 19:16

knowing whether someone is top, bottom, or both, is important, so that we will know that we are getting what we desire.
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Re: What's with the division of top vs bottom in gay relationships?

Unread postby PopTart » 1 December 2018, 19:39

BlackBoi666 wrote:knowing whether someone is top, bottom, or both, is important, so that we will know that we are getting what we desire.

Or you can be adaptive to a situation, have a collection of toys and creative ways of pleasing one another :shrug:
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Re: What's with the division of top vs bottom in gay relationships?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 1 December 2018, 20:28

PopTart wrote:
BlackBoi666 wrote:knowing whether someone is top, bottom, or both, is important, so that we will know that we are getting what we desire.

Or you can be adaptive to a situation, have a collection of toys and creative ways of pleasing one another :shrug:


Four hands, two mouths, two dicks, two holes. I'm sure there's more many would add to that short list. As Poptart points out, a few accessories to play with, certainly people with an open mind will find stuff mutually agreeable not to mention enjoyable. It's way more about if you can connect with someone rather than "who's top and who's bottom?" especially if your looking for more than a hookup.
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Re: What's with the division of top vs bottom in gay relationships?

Unread postby BlackBoi666 » 2 December 2018, 20:48

mxguy01 wrote:
PopTart wrote:
BlackBoi666 wrote:knowing whether someone is top, bottom, or both, is important, so that we will know that we are getting what we desire.

Or you can be adaptive to a situation, have a collection of toys and creative ways of pleasing one another :shrug:


Four hands, two mouths, two dicks, two holes. I'm sure there's more many would add to that short list. As Poptart points out, a few accessories to play with, certainly people with an open mind will find stuff mutually agreeable not to mention enjoyable. It's way more about if you can connect with someone rather than "who's top and who's bottom?" especially if your looking for more than a hookup.

good point.
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