Who are you out to?

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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby RJD » 4 August 2018, 18:12

Everyone and no one at the same time. I make no effort to hide it, and I'll answer truthfully when asked (or who I'm married to), but I don't advertise. I don't think I care enough about opinions of others.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby uncut7in » 14 August 2018, 13:35

Close family, my colleagues at my last job, and all my gay friends of course. I don't go round advertising it, but neither do I deny it if asked
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Re: Who are you out to

Unread postby outcasted21 » 10 September 2018, 19:54

My mother, a lot of my friends and a psycologist. But I am afraid of coming out to anyone who doesnt know tho.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 14 September 2018, 03:53

With the exceptions of work (not their business) and motocross (my last.frontier so to speak), everywhere else.

The divorce will force it to be disclosed to my kids at this point. Short story is gay bar charges to my credit card shouldn't be hard to notice. So be it as I'm done hiding.

Already came out to my sister in law of the second oldest brother.

Just came out to my nephew of oldest brother while asking him to be executor of my will.

Only leaves motocross at that point. I'm already out to a friend there.

In short, almost totally finished being out Done and done Much happier. Accept me for who I am or fuck off no matter...
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Nick2266 » 18 September 2018, 17:33

No one except the one guy I played with years ago. No one in my life would accept it .
So I try to find acceptance online.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby CrimsonHeart » 25 September 2018, 19:51

Everyone. I don't go around telling people I'm gay, but I have no problem saying it. This was not always the case. However then you realise that life is too short to wear a mask all the time.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Tommiebee » 30 September 2018, 19:09

For years I wasn't even out to myself (repression, denial).
Now I am out to a select handful of friends.
I am a work in progress. I am so thankful for the opportunity to live my live my own way.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Toddo » 2 October 2018, 06:53

I just came out to my mom and step dad today =]

They took it rather well, saying they'll support me no matter what. The only thing is my mom did keep saying just keep an open mind about things because I am still young. Also she was a little mad that I told my dad first, but I explained to her that there were too many things stressing her out at the time so I didn't want to throw this on her, but it all worked out in the end.

Other than that part, it went over pretty well. She was really my last concern, so now that it went over smoothly I feel like I can now be open about it all. Not to the point where I'm going to go on social media and say hey everyone I'm gay, but more like if anyone assumes I'm interested in girls ill tell them other wise.


My closest friends know, my family now knows and all of it just feels right. I feel no burden on my chest anymore, I feel myself for the first time in my life and im just ready to start a new chapter in it. =]
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Satsuma » 2 October 2018, 07:39

Toddo wrote:I just came out to my mom and step dad today =]

They took it rather well, saying they'll support me no matter what. The only thing is my mom did keep saying just keep an open mind about things because I am still young. Also she was a little mad that I told my dad first, but I explained to her that there were too many things stressing her out at the time so I didn't want to throw this on her, but it all worked out in the end.

Other than that part, it went over pretty well. She was really my last concern, so now that it went over smoothly I feel like I can now be open about it all. Not to the point where I'm going to go on social media and say hey everyone I'm gay, but more like if anyone assumes I'm interested in girls ill tell them other wise.


My closest friends know, my family now knows and all of it just feels right. I feel no burden on my chest anymore, I feel myself for the first time in my life and im just ready to start a new chapter in it. =]


Aw congrats Toddo, I'm happy for you :keke:

My mum kinda knows, and to be honest if I told my dad he probably wouldn't be that surprised. I think he thinks I'm asexual to be honest :P So he's not too bothered about that kind of stuff.

I don't think I'm particularly trying to hide it but I'm still not out at all 99% of the time, I get a bit hesitant answering the sexuality questions on job applications and normally select prefer not to say and that stuff. I just think I don't really want to label myself, although I am pretty much 100% gay. I think I'd need my first relationship or actual physical experience before I end up solidly ticking that box, even if it's pretty much true de jure at this point in my life and has been for years.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Toddo » 2 October 2018, 09:12

SplashySploo wrote:
Toddo wrote:I just came out to my mom and step dad today =]

They took it rather well, saying they'll support me no matter what. The only thing is my mom did keep saying just keep an open mind about things because I am still young. Also she was a little mad that I told my dad first, but I explained to her that there were too many things stressing her out at the time so I didn't want to throw this on her, but it all worked out in the end.

Other than that part, it went over pretty well. She was really my last concern, so now that it went over smoothly I feel like I can now be open about it all. Not to the point where I'm going to go on social media and say hey everyone I'm gay, but more like if anyone assumes I'm interested in girls ill tell them other wise.


My closest friends know, my family now knows and all of it just feels right. I feel no burden on my chest anymore, I feel myself for the first time in my life and im just ready to start a new chapter in it. =]


Aw congrats Toddo, I'm happy for you :keke:

My mum kinda knows, and to be honest if I told my dad he probably wouldn't be that surprised. I think he thinks I'm asexual to be honest :P So he's not too bothered about that kind of stuff.

I don't think I'm particularly trying to hide it but I'm still not out at all 99% of the time, I get a bit hesitant answering the sexuality questions on job applications and normally select prefer not to say and that stuff. I just think I don't really want to label myself, although I am pretty much 100% gay. I think I'd need my first relationship or actual physical experience before I end up solidly ticking that box, even if it's pretty much true de jure at this point in my life and has been for years.


Thank you :)

There will come a time in your life whether its tomorrow or 10 years from now you will just know when it's the right time to tell some body.

8 months ago March 6th 2018 I came out to my best friend. At that time I was just fed up with everyone around me assuming that I liked girls, everyone asking me hey you want to go to a strip club or hey look at that girl she's so fine. Like it got to a point where it was just time for me to say something, so I told my best friend. After I told him I told 4 other people in my group of friends and they were all shocked but they accepted it and continue to support me.

So 8 months later I'm here done telling family members and close friends and I couldn't feel more happy than I am right now.

I guess what I'm getting at is you'll get to that point eventually in your life and you'll just know it's time. I got some great advice on this website, sadly I forgot who told me this but they said "coming out is more of a process than a event" That is 100% true.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Satsuma » 2 October 2018, 13:32

Toddo wrote:Thank you :)

There will come a time in your life whether its tomorrow or 10 years from now you will just know when it's the right time to tell some body.

8 months ago March 6th 2018 I came out to my best friend. At that time I was just fed up with everyone around me assuming that I liked girls, everyone asking me hey you want to go to a strip club or hey look at that girl she's so fine. Like it got to a point where it was just time for me to say something, so I told my best friend. After I told him I told 4 other people in my group of friends and they were all shocked but they accepted it and continue to support me.

So 8 months later I'm here done telling family members and close friends and I couldn't feel more happy than I am right now.

I guess what I'm getting at is you'll get to that point eventually in your life and you'll just know it's time. I got some great advice on this website, sadly I forgot who told me this but they said "coming out is more of a process than a event" That is 100% true.


Hey that's okay! :P

Thank you, I guess you're right.

It's really good your friends are supportive of you! I don't have that issue atm but I remember being at a new year's get together at a family friend's house when I was about 10-12 years old and one of my mum's friends asking me something about whether or not I had a girlfriend and how I could easily get one and stuff like that - which totally wasn't true btw! I was at that age when everyone asked me 'so Splashy, do you have a girlfriend yet? Anyone you're interested in?'. When I became a teenager that stopped fast lol, but I felt like grown-ups I was around had a weird obsession with it at the time. Maybe they didn't, but I hated those questions you know? I just wanted them to leave me alone about that stuff.

But yeah anyway this drunk guy who's actually really nice but not the most subtle person in the world kept mentioning girls or something and I remember just eventually becoming annoyed then bursting into tears, like I felt everyone was assuming who I should or shouldn't like. My mum took me home and I told her I was upset because I was tired, but I think it upset me people just assuming it was wrong to like boys the way I was expected to like girls. I'd mentioned girl crushes to my family when I was younger than that and asked about girlfriends and stuff, but that was way before I was old enough to be physically attracted to anyone and they were just platonic or friend crushes at the time. Like, this was before I had any idea what sex was at all. So yeah, it does suck when people assume you're a certain way just because they think everyone else is and you feel like you have to hide who you are inside :sadblue:

Welp sorry if I got a bit sidetracked there! I feel like I understand what you mean though, that's what I was trying to say! I think people pretty much think I'm some kind of asexual or blame my anxiety for not ever having been in a relationship and just don't mention it ever now so I haven't felt the need to bring it up, but I'm feeling more and more lonely as I get older so one day something will have to give. I guess it is more of a process than an event though, just like life really.

I'm so happy you're happy though, everyone deserves to feel like that in their lives and it's great you're finally there :)

Honestly this forum is the best for advice, there's so many nice people on here. Thank you for sharing some of yours :keke:
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 2 October 2018, 16:59

So I'll share my update.

Short recap: Divorced guy from a female. Two kids who are older now. Always was gay but always stayed faithful to the family. Prefer saying it that way as it was for the kids that I hung onto that relationship that went so far south. The kids don't speak or see me because of the way the divorce shit went down.

Confirmed I was gay a about a year ago now (separated for 3 years at that point) via a hookup. just felt that I needed to be sure and then I could go from there. Since then I've had three relationships (not bad for new at this!). Each good in ways but each came to an end for various reasons. Currently without a BF. I've kind of decided to cool it on the BF thing. Now I basically see a couple of guys with whom we are pretty much FBs. Just keeping it casual. Hell if a BF falls into my lap, great. Otherwise, I'll be happy as is for a while. No commitment seems to wear better on me at this stage of my life.

The divorce will be finalized this month (support conference where we can work it out) or next month (trial date). Skipping all my emotional bitching here's the point of the post... I've come out to some friends and what's left of my family (mom, dad and brothers have passed away) which was a sister-in-law of my second oldest brother that I talk with often and my oldest nephew, the son of my eldest brother. So once they tell their siblings, and I asked for them to do so, that completes whats left "my family". I also told a couple friends but not all yet.



So now the part that's interesting/different from most:
As part of the process of finalizing the divorce we have to exchange financials again. Every thing. Every bank statement, every credit card statement. Should not take a rocket scientist to take a look at my credit card bill and tell that I hang out in the gay area of SF. My favorite bar is Hi Tops which has a great Blackened Ahi Tuna burger and is a awesome sports bar... I could have claimed privileged information and ask for line items to be not disclosed but I decided very much so not to do that. I use to think that if the ex found out and told the kids before I have a chance I would be so pissed at that. I've made up my mind I will only tell the kids face to face. Because of distance and circumstances (and a bit of being a chickenshit I guess) I've told others via text messages. I won'd do that with the kids. Face to face or nothing.

So for the wife. She can ask all she wants and she will simply get no explanation wrt my being gay. If in court some transaction comes up (other party definitely enjoys the fun of making things as difficult as possible and I'm sure her attorney is laughing her ass off all the way to the bank). If they ask about any transaction or such I'll simply responds with something like "looks like I had dinner and drinks in my favorite sports bar with friends". Gotta toss in "friends" as she has none.

For the kids. If the ex says anything, it can only be speculation. After I have a so called "final decree" on the divorce the kids will get a letter from me. Simply saying there is something we should talk about and it should only be done face to face. That they can talk to me about that when they feel ready. And then (after the letter) simply, I'm ready to let go and move on from the crap that's been holding me down/back.

I get in dark moods about the situation with the kids; way more often than I care to disclose. The other day I was lamenting that I was worried about when I pass what to do about them wrt inheritance. A friend and co-worker that I talk with things including the divorce and also financial investing gave me some advice via an off-handed comment. His comment to me was "shame of you for just not spending it all". Funny, how he gave me such a simple solution that I overlooked because you get in a mind set you can only see the dark and not the good. Well, I'm on board with that solution now. I think I'll buy myself a present on the day that it's final. Maybe an nice sexy looking Yamaha R8. I've also been kicking around the idea of a nice condo in the gay section of SF. An nicely remodeled unit in an nice quaint Victorian in the Ashbury-Haight section would be idea. There's a couple units currently available right next to Duboche. I'd just have to find a storage unit or something for the dirt bike. It would be best to downsize my vehicle as the extended cab, extended bed pickup is a horror to find a spot it actually fits into in the city. Then again, it will mainly just stay in the garage. Muni, Metro, Bart, Motorcycle, walking are all better options vs driving that truck in the city.

It should be obvious that I hope the kids become interested to find out to the point where they will actually agree to see me. Kind of a "hope and prayer" strategy that they will come around on this keeping me an outcast from their lives.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Jzone » 2 October 2018, 17:33

mxguy01 wrote:So I'll share my update.

I'm glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, Marty. Divorce is a bitch, and mine was as graceful as you can imagine — just a prolonged, legal goodbye. It's a shame that yours has caused such a rift between you and your kids. They still have some maturing to do, and hopefully in time they will want a relationship with their dad. I think the best you can do is simply remind them that you are available if and when they are ready.

DEFINITELY buy yourself a present or do something special when the divorce is final! Hang in there.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 2 October 2018, 17:38

Jzone wrote:
mxguy01 wrote:So I'll share my update.

I'm glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, Marty. Divorce is a bitch, and mine was as graceful as you can imagine — just a prolonged, legal goodbye. It's a shame that yours has caused such a rift between you and your kids. They still have some maturing to do, and hopefully in time they will want a relationship with their dad. I think the best you can do is simply remind them that you are available if and when they are ready.

DEFINITELY buy yourself a present or do something special when the divorce is final! Hang in there.


Thanks. A minor correction. can't even begin to imagine. That has been removed from my soul. Just patching up the damage done and moving along at this point. It's for the best. I have to stop rubbing my own nose in it, and not moving along is just that.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Toddo » 2 October 2018, 18:44

SplashySploo wrote:
Toddo wrote:Thank you :)

There will come a time in your life whether its tomorrow or 10 years from now you will just know when it's the right time to tell some body.

8 months ago March 6th 2018 I came out to my best friend. At that time I was just fed up with everyone around me assuming that I liked girls, everyone asking me hey you want to go to a strip club or hey look at that girl she's so fine. Like it got to a point where it was just time for me to say something, so I told my best friend. After I told him I told 4 other people in my group of friends and they were all shocked but they accepted it and continue to support me.

So 8 months later I'm here done telling family members and close friends and I couldn't feel more happy than I am right now.

I guess what I'm getting at is you'll get to that point eventually in your life and you'll just know it's time. I got some great advice on this website, sadly I forgot who told me this but they said "coming out is more of a process than a event" That is 100% true.


Hey that's okay! :P

Thank you, I guess you're right.

It's really good your friends are supportive of you! I don't have that issue atm but I remember being at a new year's get together at a family friend's house when I was about 10-12 years old and one of my mum's friends asking me something about whether or not I had a girlfriend and how I could easily get one and stuff like that - which totally wasn't true btw! I was at that age when everyone asked me 'so Splashy, do you have a girlfriend yet? Anyone you're interested in?'. When I became a teenager that stopped fast lol, but I felt like grown-ups I was around had a weird obsession with it at the time. Maybe they didn't, but I hated those questions you know? I just wanted them to leave me alone about that stuff.

But yeah anyway this drunk guy who's actually really nice but not the most subtle person in the world kept mentioning girls or something and I remember just eventually becoming annoyed then bursting into tears, like I felt everyone was assuming who I should or shouldn't like. My mum took me home and I told her I was upset because I was tired, but I think it upset me people just assuming it was wrong to like boys the way I was expected to like girls. I'd mentioned girl crushes to my family when I was younger than that and asked about girlfriends and stuff, but that was way before I was old enough to be physically attracted to anyone and they were just platonic or friend crushes at the time. Like, this was before I had any idea what sex was at all. So yeah, it does suck when people assume you're a certain way just because they think everyone else is and you feel like you have to hide who you are inside :sadblue:

Welp sorry if I got a bit sidetracked there! I feel like I understand what you mean though, that's what I was trying to say! I think people pretty much think I'm some kind of asexual or blame my anxiety for not ever having been in a relationship and just don't mention it ever now so I haven't felt the need to bring it up, but I'm feeling more and more lonely as I get older so one day something will have to give. I guess it is more of a process than an event though, just like life really.

I'm so happy you're happy though, everyone deserves to feel like that in their lives and it's great you're finally there :)

Honestly this forum is the best for advice, there's so many nice people on here. Thank you for sharing some of yours :keke:


Splashy you seem to be a pretty cool person :) I've never been in a relationship either btw, well I guess I was in a relationship with a girl in high school but that was obviously a cover up so I don't really count that. I've never had full on intercourse yet either, just oral and stuff I do on my own.

Like it's harder for gay people in terms of experience because a lot of us didn't come out in high school and didnt have boyfriends during that time. Unlike straight people, they have that experience from high school. So for us it's a whole new learning experience. I'm in that same situation, now that I'm out I have to learn how to have a relationship, and I want a relationship not someone who's just looking for a one night only.

It's kind of nerve wrecking but I enjoy a challenge at the same time.

And yeah this website is wonderful, I have been away for a few months but I'm happy I poked my head back through the door. I'll stick around again for awhile:)
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Jzone » 2 October 2018, 20:58

Splashy and Toddo — you guys are so sweet I think I'm getting a cavity. :D

Toddo wrote:Like it's harder for gay people in terms of experience because a lot of us didn't come out in high school and didnt have boyfriends during that time. Unlike straight people, they have that experience from high school.

Don't assume that straight guys get a pass on sexual experiences in high school. There are plenty of guys too nervous about it to follow through; almost like gay guys afraid to come out. I'm bi, could have had a lot of sexual fun in high school, but didn't. We all have our own timing.

SplashySploo wrote:I remember being at a new year's get together at a family friend's house when I was about 10-12 years old and one of my mum's friends asking me something about whether or not I had a girlfriend and how I could easily get one and stuff like that - which totally wasn't true btw!

Wow, this brings back many awkward memories from 40 years ago! I got so sick of adults asking me about my girlfriends when I was trying to figure out my own sexuality. Why do they think that's cute, or any of their fucking business? How about saying, "If you have special feelings about anyone and need help figuring those out, I hope you have someone to turn to." There is no instruction manual for being a worthwhile adult, so I guess we can give them all some slack.

I'm glad you guys are here!
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby mxguy01 » 2 October 2018, 21:19

To SplashSploo and Toddo, thanks for sharing here as well. That was what kind of made me feel I should share a bit as well. I'm actually pretty happy with the progress I've made on being out so far. Hell, most of the time I wear one of those silicone bracelets that has the pride colors. It's pretty noticeable IMO. I too don't exactly want to stamp "I'm Gay" on my forehead nor do I feel I need to scream it out. But I'll be damn'd if I'll ever be made to feel ashamed about it again. That much I own and no one can take it away from me now.

Off to the gym here at my apt complex wearing said bracelet. Pretty darn sure my neighbors know and for that matter know that I'm out. They all have been pretty cool about it. Everyone is pretty friendly with me so no one is offended.
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Re: Who are you out to?

Unread postby Satsuma » 3 October 2018, 22:33

Jzone wrote:Splashy and Toddo — you guys are so sweet I think I'm getting a cavity. :D

Wow, this brings back many awkward memories from 40 years ago! I got so sick of adults asking me about my girlfriends when I was trying to figure out my own sexuality. Why do they think that's cute, or any of their fucking business? How about saying, "If you have special feelings about anyone and need help figuring those out, I hope you have someone to turn to." There is no instruction manual for being a worthwhile adult, so I guess we can give them all some slack.

I'm glad you guys are here!


Aw thanks Jzone!

Yeah, the adults I grew up around were never that subtle! I think being straight is such an ingrained thing in society that everyone just assumes it's boy meets girl or girl meets boy, and that's it. I guess we can give them some slack though, I mean they're trying :)

Aw and thanks! :keke:

mxguy01 wrote:To SplashSploo and Toddo, thanks for sharing here as well. That was what kind of made me feel I should share a bit as well. I'm actually pretty happy with the progress I've made on being out so far. Hell, most of the time I wear one of those silicone bracelets that has the pride colors. It's pretty noticeable IMO. I too don't exactly want to stamp "I'm Gay" on my forehead nor do I feel I need to scream it out. But I'll be damn'd if I'll ever be made to feel ashamed about it again. That much I own and no one can take it away from me now.

Off to the gym here at my apt complex wearing said bracelet. Pretty darn sure my neighbors know and for that matter know that I'm out. They all have been pretty cool about it. Everyone is pretty friendly with me so no one is offended.


Good for you mxguy! I hope that doesn't sound patronising. It's just great you don't feel ashamed about it, no-one should have to. I think most people tend to be okay with it, or most decent people at least. I'm happy people seem to be taking it well :)

And you're welcome!
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