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2 Years in a Platonic Relationship

Unread postPosted: 31 October 2019, 14:40
by sbah123
A tutor of mine, whom I’ve met 2 years ago has became a friend later. I started taking a lecture in the final year and he was the adjunct instructor. It has first started as a crush and I thought I can get over with it soon or later but it didn’t go as I thought. He’s been raised with the similar culture and traditions to mine (he and I are from different countries but similar traditions) but he’s been raised in this country.

We were texting, meeting, chatting etc. it wasn’t that frequent but each time I kinda felt that he might feel the same way but one time after a diner he told me that he’s having a long distance relationship for 3 years with a girl.

I thought I can get over him by now but it’s not going anywhere. Everyday I check his last seen on whatsapp, thinking about him, hoping him to text but I’m not even 100% sure that he’s gay. I want to open up to him but so afraid that he might never want to talk to me again.

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I speak to him about this?

Re: 2 Years in a Platonic Relationship

Unread postPosted: 31 October 2019, 18:01
by Botanical Boy
Do you feel that its possible that he is respecting the structure of your original connection i.e. tutor and student?

I think unless you make a concerted effort to change that dynamic it's very difficult for it to happen all on its own. My advice would be to actually move on from this although it may be difficult. I have had a good few situations where I have become infatuated with a straight friend and it does go away overtime.

Alternatively, be up front with him - message him and say that you think about him a lot and that what could have been. You never know he may have felt the same way but been too worried about a negative reaction, given your original relationship as tutor and student.

Re: 2 Years in a Platonic Relationship

Unread postPosted: 31 October 2019, 20:47
by mxguy01
What you described was a guy just being friends with you. You had a straight friend, who you appear to have assumed that you mean more to him than just that, and your obsessing (or call it crushing) over him. You live in a different country now. I'm assuming you started a career or something after Uni. My recommendation is to focus on your future life. If you can't just be friends with him then just end it totally right now.