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Are romantic gay relationships common? Best dating app?

Unread postPosted: 31 May 2021, 17:50
by sloomingbla
I'm looking for something more serious, and have a hard time with hookups. Tinder's the only thing I've actually tried, and every guy I've met tells me that they are "LTR" oriented and then casually shove their tongue down my throat 30 minutes in. I'm really new to this, and only came out to myself like a month ago. I'm happy to experiment, and yeah I mean... fuck it, I enjoyed the hell out of it. But it felt dirty, and I felt misled and used. :confused:

As someone who's already insecure about being a sex crazed pathetic disgusting whatever else do to homophobia, it worries me to think that maybe it's just weird to not want sex to be the center of the relationship. Makes me start to question when guys are nice to me if it's sincere, or if they're just trying to woo me.

This is an entirely homophobic-based question I'm sure, and I hope I'm not offending anyone as I really want to work past my shit, but it would be comforting to know if it's common at all to have a gay relationship that isn't all sex?

And.. also, are there any better, free dating alternatives for this sort of thing? I figure tinder's basically a fuck app so it's probably to blame too.

Re: Are romantic gay relationships common? Best dating app?

Unread postPosted: 31 May 2021, 23:08
by dragonfire
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Re: Are romantic gay relationships common? Best dating app?

Unread postPosted: 3 June 2021, 13:21
by Eryx
I barely stayed single ever since I turned 18, so yeah, it's common. Depending on how you present outwardly and how you communicate your intentions and feelings, it might get easier or harder to find someone else for a relationship.

It's possible to find it in an app (my boyfriend is from Grindr), but it's not what it's for, so you shouldn't expect everyone there to be interested in dating you just because they wanted to fuck you. But nothing's stopping you from investing in someone you feel really comfortable with, repeat the meetings and let it grow.

Re: Are romantic gay relationships common? Best dating app?

Unread postPosted: 3 June 2021, 15:53
by René
I love sex, but I'm a lot more about cuddling, and similarly to Eryx, I've been in long-term committed relationships for about 15 years of my life so far, the longest being with my husband at 12+ years and counting. (I'm 32.)

Apps vary a lot by region/country and sexual orientation. Where I live (Scotland), being gay, Tinder seems to have plenty of guys interested in actually getting to know someone and forming a committed relationship. :)

Having said that, none of my relationships have started from dating using apps. They all originated from meeting people in other contexts. (Although our relationship with our boyfriend started from a Grindr (threesome) hookup, but that was total luck, and we didn't meet him looking to date him. It's possible to get lucky like that, but you shouldn't count on it. Grindr probably isn't for you.)

Re: Are romantic gay relationships common? Best dating app?

Unread postPosted: 3 June 2021, 17:33
by sloomingbla
René wrote:I love sex, but I'm a lot more about cuddling


Same!!

And.. yeah, these responses all certainly helped me feel better. I had made this post shortly after having a conversation with my straight friend, who told me that gays tend to have major issues with committed relationships. He's a guy I tend to trust, and so I was starting to question things.. and it kinda implied to me that gay people are all like, hedonistic sex machines. Knowing he felt that way hurt too, and considering my limited tinder experience where that seemed to be the case, it was worrisome. Then again, I don't know why I decided to go to a straight guy for gay help, lol. I'm an anxious person and it got to me.

I've got a lot of work to do in terms of self acceptance, but thanks again to everyone who responded, and I'm excited to move forward and try to find a cute bf :nod:

Re: Are romantic gay relationships common? Best dating app?

Unread postPosted: 3 June 2021, 19:22
by René
sloomingbla wrote:I had made this post shortly after having a conversation with my straight friend, who told me that gays tend to have major issues with committed relationships. He's a guy I tend to trust, and so I was starting to question things.. and it kinda implied to me that gay people are all like, hedonistic sex machines.

I feel like a lot of guys are like that in the US especially, where the hookup culture is massive... it's sad, but there are definitely guys who are different too. You'll find one. :hug: