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Build realitionship in Gayworld 2021?

Unread postPosted: 19 September 2021, 15:47
by user775
Hello there,

Dutchie boy here, 20 years old, experimental phase but not that much, waiting for love but when? ;)

Okay back to business, I am writing this post because feel a little lonely in this problem I've got. The problem is that I have the feeling that I can't trust someone who's gay or something to build a relationship with it. It is hard to find someone who you know that he is also gay and that makes the world really complex for me.

I am a boy who likes to talk about deep things, editing videos, singing, running, but also chill with friends and watching movies and series. Oh, and GOING OUT I really love to dance. I can enjoy that and I am completly myself in that point.

But in the world with socializing, It is a little hard for me, I am a social person but not in the intimitate way. Especially the last year. I came out as gay when I was 18, and didn't even imagine having sex with a boy but only watching porn that came very late to me because I raised up with another way that sex is something special.

After my coming out I downloaded Grindr to go on that 'secretly' and find some boys who liked to chat and do fun. My realisation of having sex was like wow, how? shocked. But after a couple months I tried this which is not a really success.

Nowadays I use the app to 'desperatly' searching for hookups but also something serious. What is noticeable with hookups and me is that I only have sex with them, and thats it.. How can you let go things so fast is my question? That's why I might try something serious.

But for me it is hard, and I am done with searching and try to focus on myself. But there goes something wrong. I do not have a real connection with men in a 'love-sided' way. I felt in love but that is 2 years ago and also straight boys where I've got the special feeling from (that is not by accident). I want to enjoy each other watching the stars and talk all night, I am ready for that? But on my age is it not that serious. How can you really connect with men? Males are so vague. Litterly let down me? What can I do to focus on myself and enjoy dates?

Re: Build realitionship in Gayworld 2021?

Unread postPosted: 19 September 2021, 19:08
by pozzie
Welcome to the forum! :)

Well, if your primary way to meet guys is Grindr (I've never used it but it's always been described to me as a hookup app which is different than a dating app) it doesn't surprise me that you're not really connecting with men. To me "hooking up" is about having sex and little more. If they stick around and chat over coffee, that's great - or if they add meaningful conversation to foreplay, even better. But my experience was that most guys looking for quick sex aren't interested in much more than the actual sex.

I'm much more of the mind that, while it's perfectly fine to satisfy sexual desires, one should also build friendships. Even if that's all they are, if we enjoy spending time with that person / those people, that's a great addition to our lives. So where are other guys making friends these days? I don't have this answer myself since 1) My town is all about families and 2) I had to ration my limited physical and emotional energy and wasn't having much luck building new friendships in my community.

But in your case, I'd try to find others that enjoy doing the things you mentioned: "talk about deep things, editing videos, singing, running, but also chill with friends and watching movies and series." Specific activities like I bolded might be an easier outlet. Have you looked on Facebook for LGBTQ+ interest groups in these areas or LGBTQ+ social groups in The Netherlands? Beyond that, I'm somewhat blank on what people are using to make new friends in 2021. Could you go to something like a Dutch LGBTQ+ Film Festival? Often such festivals offer workshops on film production. An editing workshop might just be the thing. I know there have also been gay running groups in various cities, you might try searching for one near where you live.

No matter what, you have to keep at it. Sometimes it can be difficult to break into an established group no matter what the context - they all know each other and have been discussing this and that for some time. So be persistent: attend, attend, attend, even if you feel a bit out of place. Listening to what they're talking about will give you ideas hopefully. And I don't think I've ever to been to an gay social outing where strangers didn't welcome and strike up a conversation. Even if it's just one person, it's a start.

Good luck! and I hope you'll let us know what you find out: I'm sure others have similar questions.

Re: Build realitionship in Gayworld 2021?

Unread postPosted: 19 September 2021, 19:40
by pozzie
btw, while responding elsewhere I thought of another site to meet others doing whatever - maybe running - - but I haven't used it in the last few years. Anyone else check it out?