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New, scared, confused, and possibly in love...

Unread postPosted: 10 October 2021, 04:59
by Baconator916
Hi. I’m a 33 year old white guy. My whole life I considered myself straight. The past year I’ve grown more and more curious and a few months ago I decided to explore a little bit and maybe have some fun. But almost immediately I met a guy who’s always identified as gay. We really hit it off. Now weve been talking for a few months. We haven’t had sex but both know he’d be bottom and me top. He has given me oral a few times but it’s not even about that. I feel weve connected on another level and im pretty sure he feels the same. I am absolutely crazy about him though. Like I’m literally going crazy. I’ve never felt anything like this my whole life. It honestly scares the f*** out of me.
Now I feel like he thinks that I’m still just here for fun. So I decided to try to show him i really like him. I decided to give him oral the other day. I’ve never done that in my life so it was probably the worst but I was a huge step for me. It was a big deal to me. It really meant something to me to do that. But I got absolutely no acknowledgement of it. Since then he has seemed distant and not the same toward me, and I’m not gonna lie, it really hurts. I’m worried he’s lost interest. He says he hasn’t and he still feels the same about me. I try to explain to him how big of a deal it was for me to do that and can he not brush it off like nothing. He says I’m overthinking it and overreacting. Is there a way I can get him to understand or am I overreacting? Or should I just stop talking to him?
I’m sorry if anyone thinks this is a stupid childish thing to complain about because to me it’s not. I’m new to all of this and like I said I’m literally going crazy here.

Re: New, scared, confused, and possibly in love...

Unread postPosted: 10 October 2021, 07:25
by PopTart
If he says you're over thinking and you have no real reason to distrust him, then take him at his word and try to relax a little.

While it might be a big deal that you sucked some dick, I'm sure he appreciates that it was, you have to understand that, for a middle aged gay man, of some experience, it might not carry the same degree of importance. That isn't to say that he isn't proud or appreciative. It sounds like he has said he is. It's just hard to be so excited about it as to throw a ticker tape parade over the matter.

His distance might be that he is finding your anxiety and intensity over this abit disconcerting.

Relax a little. Try to slow down abit and enjoy yourself.

Re: New, scared, confused, and possibly in love...

Unread postPosted: 10 October 2021, 18:45
by katzgar
Baconator916 wrote:Hi. I’m a 33 year old white guy. My whole life I considered myself straight. The past year I’ve grown more and more curious and a few months ago I decided to explore a little bit and maybe have some fun. But almost immediately I met a guy who’s always identified as gay. We really hit it off. Now weve been talking for a few months. We haven’t had sex but both know he’d be bottom and me top. He has given me oral a few times but it’s not even about that. I feel weve connected on another level and im pretty sure he feels the same. I am absolutely crazy about him though. Like I’m literally going crazy. I’ve never felt anything like this my whole life. It honestly scares the f*** out of me.
Now I feel like he thinks that I’m still just here for fun. So I decided to try to show him i really like him. I decided to give him oral the other day. I’ve never done that in my life so it was probably the worst but I was a huge step for me. It was a big deal to me. It really meant something to me to do that. But I got absolutely no acknowledgement of it. Since then he has seemed distant and not the same toward me, and I’m not gonna lie, it really hurts. I’m worried he’s lost interest. He says he hasn’t and he still feels the same about me. I try to explain to him how big of a deal it was for me to do that and can he not brush it off like nothing. He says I’m overthinking it and overreacting. Is there a way I can get him to understand or am I overreacting? Or should I just stop talking to him?
I’m sorry if anyone thinks this is a stupid childish thing to complain about because to me it’s not. I’m new to all of this and like I said I’m literally going crazy here.


its complicated. You arent sure about your sexuality so you act confused to him. He may be seeing you as a mess. Maybe you are BI? giving him a blow job had nothing to do with showing him you like him, it was just a blow job.

Re: New, scared, confused, and possibly in love...

Unread postPosted: 10 October 2021, 19:09
by ThatNomad
While I completely agree with Poptart that you likely are just overthinking this, and that your own anxiety over his reaction is likely a bit off-putting, at the same time I have to acknowledge two things.

Number one; nowhere in your paragraph did you mention that you had an open, and honest discussion of your feelings. You just say you gave him head. To you, that may have been massive. To someone who has been out and open about his sexuality and has more experience it was just par for the course, because you didn't explain anything to him first. Granted, you may have done so, and just didn't include it, but all I have to go on is what you said in the post.

Number two; never, and I can't stress this enough, never let someone else make you feel that your feelings are invalid in any way. If you sit down and have an honest, heartfelt, and open conversation about your feelings and he continues to just shrug them off and make you feel like you are either lesser, or that your feelings are not valid, it's time to move along. Invalidating the feelings of another person is a major red flag, and a huge sign of emotional immaturity. Going through self-discovery like you are is already hard enough without someone making you feel like you aren't entitled to your feelings!