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Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 12 October 2021, 01:25
by Vampsrose67
I keep getting messages for sex by "straight " and "bi "men on dating sites.

My friends keep telling me that multiple men are looking at me when we go out .

I get lots of hookups but
But no guy seems to want a relationship.

Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Do I look slutty? Please see attached.

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 12 October 2021, 02:18
by whatever1979
Most people nowadays are narcissist only looking for themselves. Self gratification seems to be the norm and sadly, it’s only getting worst. And the whole “open relationship and polyamorous” bullshit was created by said narcissists to justify their whoring around. Sorry, sounds blunt, but it’s the truth! Been looking for a relationship myself for so long and realized that it will never happen, guys only want to screw you or manipulate you to get what they want. Sad state of affairs, what a great decade we live in!

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 12 October 2021, 02:18
by whatever1979
Most people nowadays are narcissist only looking for themselves. Self gratification seems to be the norm and sadly, it’s only getting worst. And the whole “open relationship and polyamorous” bullshit was created by said narcissists to justify their whoring around. Sorry, sounds blunt, but it’s the truth! Been looking for a relationship myself for so long and realized that it will never happen, guys only want to screw you or manipulate you to get what they want. Sad state of affairs, what a great decade we live in!

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 12 October 2021, 02:29
by Vampsrose67
😭

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 12 October 2021, 04:28
by pozzie
"Slutty" isn't the adjective I'd choose. ;)

Maybe it's just that people aren't ready to settle down right now. I do remember meeting lots of guys who weren't interested in anything more than a couple hours of fun. They might have already been in a relationship or recovering from one. Not everyone reaches that stage at the same age. It also seemed like they could smell desperation and it was a huge turnoff.

It's getting harder to know people when so much happens online. Dating apps? Way too easy to move on to the next option.

I'm still a big believer in getting out, doing the things you love to do, meeting people, and making friends along the way. Have fun! Enjoy life. Be happy with yourself and the rest will follow.

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 12 October 2021, 20:20
by Eos
How do you meet people ? Depending on the way you do this, it will change a lot on the kind of people you're gonna meet.

I personally met many people who wanted a meaningful relationship, it just didn't work out. I met most of them using tinder.

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 13 October 2021, 06:12
by pozzie
sorry, posted in the wrong thread :argh:

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 13 October 2021, 18:23
by Eryx
whatever1979 wrote:Most people nowadays are narcissist only looking for themselves. Self gratification seems to be the norm and sadly, it’s only getting worst. And the whole “open relationship and polyamorous” bullshit was created by said narcissists to justify their whoring around. Sorry, sounds blunt, but it’s the truth! Been looking for a relationship myself for so long and realized that it will never happen, guys only want to screw you or manipulate you to get what they want. Sad state of affairs, what a great decade we live in!
That seems excessive and neurotic. You seem to have had a bad experience (or multiple) that warped your judgment. Yes, the prevalence of promiscuous guys among the gays is bigger, but that doesn't mean there isn't a vast majority just being together.
Vampsrose67 wrote:I keep getting messages for sex by "straight " and "bi "men on dating sites.

My friends keep telling me that multiple men are looking at me when we go out .

I get lots of hookups but
But no guy seems to want a relationship.

Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Do I look slutty? Please see attached.
People are stereotyping you, fuck them. Whenever someone truly special gets to know you and be next to you, it will feel way different and it will flow both ways. Sometimes that takes longer, but it always just kind of happens. And then you might just be in love right there for good or simply have your first relationship. Take it easy.

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 13 October 2021, 21:38
by pozzie
there's some aphorism about it happening when you least expect it

know that's cold comfort on a lonely night, but my experience - both personally and with others around me - is that it isn't something that can be forced to happen. Granted, one has to out there and available.

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 15 October 2021, 14:50
by Peter123777
Vampsrose67 wrote:I keep getting messages for sex by "straight " and "bi "men on dating sites.

My friends keep telling me that multiple men are looking at me when we go out .

I get lots of hookups but
But no guy seems to want a relationship.

Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Do I look slutty? Please see attached.


To be honest, many guys might be turned off a bit from dating and having a relationship with a highly feminine man. By that, I'm not saying you're necessarily need to change yourself, but you might at least change the way you dress and make up. Getting rid of the earrings, the neckless, wearing some nice black/blue shirt can make a whole lot of a difference.

Or, you can keep dressing the same and reach for the more feminine guys from the start and then the chance of being turned off by them is reduced substantially. That's just how it is, most of the more masculine guys look for the more masculine guys and the more feminine guys can "settle" for more feminine guys, though the majority of them will still look for the more masculine ones.

Have you tried reaching for more feminine guys?
Are you attracted to substantially feminine guys?
Do you see yourself dressing and make up differently? If so, how?

I’m writing in your favor, don’t take that as a negative judgment, just writing honestly the “Ugly Truth”. People in general, gays or straights, looks for the more masculine/feminine men/women respectively.

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 15 October 2021, 19:59
by pozzie
While Peter's "ugly truth" isn't unreasonable, I'm not sure it's what I'd recommend or choose. We can spend our lives trying to be someone or something we are not, and what does that bring? We could easily say, if you aren't happy being alone, why not try being straight? After all there are lots more women out there looking for husbands, right?

No, I think it's better to be happy. Dress however you feel fabulous, especially if you can carry it off in supreme queen fashion - fuck 'em if they can't take a nice string of pearls (pun accepted). If you feel your real self in a ballgown and combat boots, go for it, but recognize with every decision we make we are choosing between trade offs.

If we choose more socially acceptable attire, yes, it might help us meet more people in the short run, but will these be people who accept us as we really are? We can don expensive designer suits (maybe even bought on the cheap) and attract a higher priced bf, but that's no guarantee they will love us any more (or less) than if we met them in our usual accoutrement.

Some find it quite vexing when they discover their urban cowboy also really enjoys drag on the side: others find it stimulating. It's hard to really know this stuff unless we are true selves. And honestly, isn't that what we ultimately want when seeking a partner? Someone who will accept us as we really are? Not just someone we're supposed to be?

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 25 October 2021, 00:42
by Vampsrose67
Peter123777 wrote:
Vampsrose67 wrote:I keep getting messages for sex by "straight " and "bi "men on dating sites.

My friends keep telling me that multiple men are looking at me when we go out .

I get lots of hookups but
But no guy seems to want a relationship.

Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Do I look slutty? Please see attached.


To be honest, many guys might be turned off a bit from dating and having a relationship with a highly feminine man. By that, I'm not saying you're necessarily need to change yourself, but you might at least change the way you dress and make up. Getting rid of the earrings, the neckless, wearing some nice black/blue shirt can make a whole lot of a difference.

Or, you can keep dressing the same and reach for the more feminine guys from the start and then the chance of being turned off by them is reduced substantially. That's just how it is, most of the more masculine guys look for the more masculine guys and the more feminine guys can "settle" for more feminine guys, though the majority of them will still look for the more masculine ones.

Have you tried reaching for more feminine guys?
Are you attracted to substantially feminine guys?
Do you see yourself dressing and make up differently? If so, how?

I’m writing in your favor, don’t take that as a negative judgment, just writing honestly the “Ugly Truth”. People in general, gays or straights, looks for the more masculine/feminine men/women respectively.

It's funny you mentioned that. I actually get more attraction from guys when I dress fem. When I dress normally, nobody pays attention to me. It seems to me that asian women get more attention than asian men.

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 25 October 2021, 00:43
by Vampsrose67
I also noticed that gay men tend to not be attracted to me. Most men interested claim to be "straight " or "bi"

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 25 October 2021, 19:38
by Peter123777
Vampsrose67 wrote:
Peter123777 wrote:
Vampsrose67 wrote:I keep getting messages for sex by "straight " and "bi "men on dating sites.

My friends keep telling me that multiple men are looking at me when we go out .

I get lots of hookups but
But no guy seems to want a relationship.

Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong?

Do I look slutty? Please see attached.


To be honest, many guys might be turned off a bit from dating and having a relationship with a highly feminine man. By that, I'm not saying you're necessarily need to change yourself, but you might at least change the way you dress and make up. Getting rid of the earrings, the neckless, wearing some nice black/blue shirt can make a whole lot of a difference.

Or, you can keep dressing the same and reach for the more feminine guys from the start and then the chance of being turned off by them is reduced substantially. That's just how it is, most of the more masculine guys look for the more masculine guys and the more feminine guys can "settle" for more feminine guys, though the majority of them will still look for the more masculine ones.

Have you tried reaching for more feminine guys?
Are you attracted to substantially feminine guys?
Do you see yourself dressing and make up differently? If so, how?

I’m writing in your favor, don’t take that as a negative judgment, just writing honestly the “Ugly Truth”. People in general, gays or straights, looks for the more masculine/feminine men/women respectively.

It's funny you mentioned that. I actually get more attraction from guys when I dress fem. When I dress normally, nobody pays attention to me. It seems to me that asian women get more attention than asian men.


Of course, when you're dressing more feminine you get more attention, because that's less usual and drawing more attention in general, from all sort of people. But getting more attention, isn't necessarily will bring you what you want, a meaningful lasting relationship.

How old are you? Have you always been more feminine or is that started in adolescence/what triggered that?
Have you tried reaching for more feminine gay guys or you're not attracted to feminine guys?
Are you confident in general? Like having a high self-esteem, taking care of your needs and not ignore them for the purpose of trying to please others

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 28 October 2021, 21:01
by HornyBussy757
whatever1979 wrote:Most people nowadays are narcissist only looking for themselves. Self gratification seems to be the norm and sadly, it’s only getting worst. And the whole “open relationship and polyamorous” bullshit was created by said narcissists to justify their whoring around. Sorry, sounds blunt, but it’s the truth! Been looking for a relationship myself for so long and realized that it will never happen, guys only want to screw you or manipulate you to get what they want. Sad state of affairs, what a great decade we live in!

AMEN! This is what I feel.

I would love to be in a discrete relationship or even a FWB...but no matter how good ur sex is....people just love to bed hop and not try to form anything substantial and long term. This lifestyle is very lonely. That's why I want to date females at times...at least u can connect with them emotionally and mentally. With men...we so shallow and looks oriented.

Re: Getting a meaningful relationship

Unread postPosted: 28 October 2021, 21:08
by HornyBussy757
Vampsrose67 wrote:I also noticed that gay men tend to not be attracted to me. Most men interested claim to be "straight " or "bi"

That may pose an issue. A lot of the bicurous and bisexual men (no truly straight man ain't gonna have sex with a man unless he in a place like jail where no women around) aren't good relationship people....but a lot of homosexual men are super picky and don't seem too interested in a relationship even tho some will tell u otherwise. But most bi and "str8" men are just looking for sex or a booty call type situationaship.