Closetguy wrote:I’ve never been in love with anyone. Not many relationships either.
Metaphorically speaking I mean.
I can’t speak to him about it but if he where to ask I would tell him.
It probably is just a massive crush but I just don’t understand the daily texts. It’s been a couple of months now.
Next question how can I get over this. Cheers for replying
Yes, I understand. Maybe if you'd been in a two-way relationship, you'd see a difference.
May I ask what kind of things he texts? I don't know anyone who texts me more than a couple times a month, so it's hard for me to say how unusual a daily texter would be. However, my understanding is this is a normal communication mode for many people, so if he's saying "Hey, what's up?" I don't think you can read too much into that. Same goes for anything that would qualify as small talk or something someone might have said/asked on a voice call.
While I get @rogonandi's point, I also understand that you might not want to do that. To get over or get passed this crush, one normally would just move on, but it doesn't sound like you date very much. Have you thought about addressing the reasons for that?
It's really possible he just enjoys your friendship and that's a positive. Right now I'm guessing you hope it could be more - that's the crush part. The stronger feelings are based on what you hope or wish the friendship could be. At some point, you'll just have to decide to rein in your emotions if you want to stay friends, so learning to control that part of you is also something you might consider addressing. I don't have any quick suggestions in that regard. Long-term though, unrequited love isn't healthy.
Have you ever worked with a therapist? These are all the sorts of things that could be targeted in a short-term (like a couple months) therapy course. A therapist would be better able to offer suggestions for coping with your feelings for this friend, especially after you two have chatted about the situation and your general connections with other people.
I do wish you luck however you choose to proceed. I have been in a similar (mostly one-sided) situation that didn't have the "daily text" component. TBH, I just had to decide that nothing was going to come from the lopsided romance and I shut down those emotions by thinking myself through the reality of the situation. We had some friendly contact after that which was great, but he ended up moving away and we've lost touch. I can't say how and when my emotions changed precisely and what life events helped, but I didn't find another relationship per se though I was dating others at the time.
Posted: 20 December 2021, 16:48