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In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 20 December 2021, 16:48
by Closetguy
Hi everyone

I really need so advice. I’ve been confused about my sexuality since for ever. I don’t like to put a label on it either. I’m single and 29. I’ve met this guy who is straight but we have really hit it off. I think I have fell in love with him. We text everyday and see each other when we can. How can I tell if this is just a friendship or more ? Somethings I feel like I get mixed messages. It’s really killing me inside because I can’t stop thinking about them. I can’t really tell them because if the didn’t feel the same way I need him in my life. Even if it is just as friends. I can deal with that.

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 20 December 2021, 20:35
by pozzie
Hi and welcome to the forum!

I'm not really sure what to tell you other than, if he's straight, he's straight and you should move on. Be friends if can or at least put some space between the two of you so you can get your emotions in check.

BTW, what other relationships have you had and do you have with men who identify as gay, queer, bi, or something like any of those labels?

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 20 December 2021, 20:45
by Closetguy
My sexuality has confused me all my life so I don’t think I can really explain to you in a few words. Im attracted to who im attracted to and that’s how I explain it. And I don’t feel the need to label it.

I haven’t had a relationship with a guy before but I feel like I’ve fell in love with this one.

I have loads of guy friends and this just feels different. Texting every day. Seeing how I am what are my plans how’s my day been ect ect

I could totally be reading this wrong but something just feels right.

Is there anyway/signs I can see if he likes me like that or am I just clutching at straws. The guys messed with my head for ages now and I just don’t know what to do

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 20 December 2021, 21:02
by pozzie
Closetguy wrote:My sexuality has confused me all my life so I don’t think I can really explain to you in a few words. Im attracted to who im attracted to and that’s how I explain it. And I don’t feel the need to label it.


no worries there - that's perfectly fine

Closetguy wrote:I haven’t had a relationship with a guy before but I feel like I’ve fell in love with this one.

I have loads of guy friends and this just feels different. Texting every day. Seeing how I am what are my plans how’s my day been ect ect

I could totally be reading this wrong but something just feels right.

Is there anyway/signs I can see if he likes me like that or am I just clutching at straws. The guys messed with my head for ages now and I just don’t know what to do


this reads like a massive crush to me. Have you been in a committed relationship with a woman or non-binary person? I ask because like you say in the first paragraph, you are attracted to the person, not the gender etc. If you've been in a reciprocal, loving relationship, then you'd have a baseline to compare this one to.

The fact that you'd write something like "The guys messed with my head for ages now" give me a bit of concern. Is he doing it intentionally? Or are you just using this metaphorically -- to say you're just plain confused. No, I don't think there are any signs or tests you can use to suss out his "true" feelings. In another situation, I might suggest talking to him about it, but I'm guessing you probably don't want to do that because he's already indicated he is straight.

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 20 December 2021, 21:20
by Closetguy
I’ve never been in love with anyone. Not many relationships either.

Metaphorically speaking I mean.

I can’t speak to him about it but if he where to ask I would tell him.

It probably is just a massive crush but I just don’t understand the daily texts. It’s been a couple of months now.

Next question how can I get over this. Cheers for replying

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 20 December 2021, 23:55
by rogonandi
I think the only way for you to get over it is to just tell him in no uncertain terms that you’re attracted to him, and lay all your feelings out there.

If he rejects you, it’ll hurt but then you can move on and continue growing as a person.

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 20 December 2021, 23:57
by Closetguy
Appreciate that but what but I can’t risk that he’s such I good guy I would be happy with just being friends

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 21 December 2021, 02:07
by rogonandi
Closetguy wrote:Appreciate that but what but I can’t risk that he’s such I good guy I would be happy with just being friends

I understand what you’re going through, but pining over him isn’t good for your mental health.

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 21 December 2021, 21:12
by pozzie
Closetguy wrote:I’ve never been in love with anyone. Not many relationships either.

Metaphorically speaking I mean.

I can’t speak to him about it but if he where to ask I would tell him.

It probably is just a massive crush but I just don’t understand the daily texts. It’s been a couple of months now.

Next question how can I get over this. Cheers for replying


Yes, I understand. Maybe if you'd been in a two-way relationship, you'd see a difference.

May I ask what kind of things he texts? I don't know anyone who texts me more than a couple times a month, so it's hard for me to say how unusual a daily texter would be. However, my understanding is this is a normal communication mode for many people, so if he's saying "Hey, what's up?" I don't think you can read too much into that. Same goes for anything that would qualify as small talk or something someone might have said/asked on a voice call.

While I get @rogonandi's point, I also understand that you might not want to do that. To get over or get passed this crush, one normally would just move on, but it doesn't sound like you date very much. Have you thought about addressing the reasons for that?

It's really possible he just enjoys your friendship and that's a positive. Right now I'm guessing you hope it could be more - that's the crush part. The stronger feelings are based on what you hope or wish the friendship could be. At some point, you'll just have to decide to rein in your emotions if you want to stay friends, so learning to control that part of you is also something you might consider addressing. I don't have any quick suggestions in that regard. Long-term though, unrequited love isn't healthy.

Have you ever worked with a therapist? These are all the sorts of things that could be targeted in a short-term (like a couple months) therapy course. A therapist would be better able to offer suggestions for coping with your feelings for this friend, especially after you two have chatted about the situation and your general connections with other people.

I do wish you luck however you choose to proceed. I have been in a similar (mostly one-sided) situation that didn't have the "daily text" component. TBH, I just had to decide that nothing was going to come from the lopsided romance and I shut down those emotions by thinking myself through the reality of the situation. We had some friendly contact after that which was great, but he ended up moving away and we've lost touch. I can't say how and when my emotions changed precisely and what life events helped, but I didn't find another relationship per se though I was dating others at the time.

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 29 December 2021, 22:13
by jaredjoy90
There are people out there saying he's straight so leave it alone and move on but I have experience to see things the other way. Growing up and being 24 years old, I had no clue there was gay in me. Consider me an exception because I had medical problems in my penis but truth is: I was hit on by a guy and it was nice to be sought after. It hit me that I was loved after a very short time fell in love with another man. This wasn't just purely sexual, it was an emotional attachment and it made the sex even better.

If you value his friendship more than a possible relationship, then let it be, but I would say the same thing if he was a girl and had unrequitted feelings.

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 29 December 2021, 22:17
by Closetguy
Cheers man. I’ve put a bit of distance between us because it was really hurting. Suppose I’ve just got to forget about it

Re: In love with a straight guy

Unread postPosted: 29 December 2021, 22:22
by pozzie
It's never a good thing to add pain to one's life, so while I know distance hurts in the near-term, it's probably for the best. Hope things get better for you!