Gay Forum

I've been dating a guy for 3 months, and very quickly we realized our spiritual connection and couldn't be more compatible or perfect for each other. To give a sense of how fast things are moving, I've already gone out with his parents twice.

On the other hand, before we got serious I had planned a gay spring break trip to Thailand with my friends - he couldn't make it due to work commitments, but I was also conflicted about whether I wanted him to come. While my friends will be presumably getting it on with hot Asian guys, I couldn't decide whether I wanted to do that with my bf (who is easily hotter and fitter than me), or have one last slutty hurrah before settling down. I'm barely above average looking, but have had a lucky record of attracting super hot guys, and before meeting my bf I was mentally prepared for a slut phase before my next relationship. I didn't think I'd meet "the one" only 8 months after breaking up with my ex.

My bf is super open minded and is actually ok with me doing other guys, as long as the guy is hot and I tell him everything. He said he won't want to deprive me of an experience. I'm not as ok with him being ok with it though, because it'll open the door to him doing the same lol, and I'm not into open relationships. So I insisted that I won't touch anyone beyond just dancing, even if i wanted to, because I don't want to risk our relationship in any way.

But as the date approaches, the idea of having to behave myself seems... stressful, especially after the promises I made. After a lifetime of looking down on open relationships, I'm starting to feel a bit hypocritical

All I can say is this is stuff you two should talk about - what you've written, you should probably be telling him, especially if you have a good feeling he'll understand. As for what's good for the gander is also good for the other gander, why not discuss that as well if you have some concerns? Can't say any of this is without risks, but you've only got so many chances ... to go to Thailand, to do this relationship the best way you can, etc.

If you're nervous about the discussion, think of it less as telling him what you're planning on doing and more of wanting to know his thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc.

On some level, if you go and do/don't act like a slut, and he says, that's what I expected or I expected the opposite, then it will be water under the bridge. Do you prefer to beg forgiveness or ask permission? In the end, it's your call, hopefully in consultation with the one you're starting to build a relationship with.

Hope all goes well and both the trip and relationship are great successes!

Come on. You say this guy is perfect, he is your dream guy and yet, you want to open the relationship up before it's really begun and had it'd chance to find it's footing?

I get that, if you were comfortable with him sleeping outside of the relationship, it wouldn't be an issue, but you do have a problem with it.

Think with your head.

The one on your shoulders and not the one between your legs.

So basically you want to cheat on him. Just break up with him instead, as you obviously aren’t ready for a real relationship.

rogonandi beat me to the punch. That's all there is to be said.

pozzie wrote:All I can say is this is stuff you two should talk about - what you've written, you should probably be telling him, especially if you have a good feeling he'll understand. As for what's good for the gander is also good for the other gander, why not discuss that as well if you have some concerns? ..

This is good advice, and I spent my remaining few hours before an early trip to the airport in bed with him talking about my anxieties on his apparent acceptance of me slutting around. I didn't mention the part where I did in fact want to slut around, because I had decided that I won't do it even though I wanted to. He was relieved that I don't want an open relationship, but reminded me to just be honest if anything happens.

My friends and I partied almost every night in Thailand. Halfway into the trip, it became evident that my bf was absolutely losing his mind at home, worried about the things I might do. He was calling and texting all the time and anxious/angry if I didn't reply within an hour. It turned out he wanted to act like a cool boyfriend for me, but couldn't actually handle the idea of me partying with the gays. Part of it was him projecting onto me his former lack of self-control and slutty ways, whereas I have much more self-control than he does. The fact that I was quick to ditch my friends one night to talk with him on the phone for 6 hours instead did restore his trust, and he reiterated that I can still dance with random guys as long as I don't kiss them or anything. I told him that I'll take only an ego boost from them and then stick that BDE into him when I get home.

I've gotten way more into dancing lately and was simply enjoying the vibes, so I didn't seek or notice interest from anyone hot, until the very last night when we were on M and I was particularly uninhibited to the point of overtly gesturing to 3 of the hottest guys on the dance floor to come to me at various times. The first didn't come so I went to him and we danced together while I ignored his eventual advances until he gave up in frustration. The second guy was the hottest of the 3, and seemingly floated over to me as if under my spell. We danced and grinded for a while, then he got really chatty and wanted my instagram. My friends are there and knew I have a boyfriend, thus I didn't want even a hint of impropriety, so I focused on dancing rather than exchanging info, until he too eventually gave up. The third guy was even more ripped than the second, but in likelihood merely tolerated my fondling of his body while we danced together. It didn't feel like cheating because I thought it more sensual/artistic than sexual, like JLo with her backup dancers

I had noticed one of my friends filming our group, hence I figured the memories are sufficiently captured, but the video turned out to not show much, and I came to regret not getting the 2nd guy's instagram or not taking a selfie with him, because he was such a sweet guy and it would've been nice to have something to remember the moment by.

Anyway I got home on Thursday and had sex with my boyfriend 6 times over the weekend.

Btw, I received a msg implying that I'm some kind of sex-tourist white colonizer lol, when in fact I'm Asian, have a slight preference for Asian/Latino, but happen to have a slightly younger white boyfriend, as alluded to in other posts

^ Whew, that story got scary for a bit! Thank heavens you kept your wits about you while under the influence!!! (And that the drug wasn't spiked or substituted with something horrible.) Those seemed like big risks to me but I'm so glad you were true to your boyfriend and this story had a good ending.

I hope you have a bright future ahead together, and that he feels super-secure with you now or will come to over time.

Also hope to see you around the forum.